A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi hope someone can offer their advice. i work with a guy and have only known him since february. since he joined and especially over the last 2 monts i have found myself physically and mentally attracted to him. he chats to me all the time and we get on really well. just recently over the last week or so he has made extra effort to chat and will always do anything i ask (he is a doctor, i am a nurse). Yesterday at work my colleague was sat with me and we were chatting and this guy was intermittently involved with the conversation. I got up to go and my colleague followed me and said i think that guy really likes you. I asked on what basis and she said he smiles at you with his eyes and his mouth when you are locked in conversation,its as if no one else is around when you are talking and he is in your soul, he follows you with his eyes and he has been asking about you when you are not around. i admit i am attracted to him, but i am aware it would be difficult for anything to happen as we work together and because of his religion. i also found out yesterday he is married and due to become a dad in a month. i haven't said anything to him about my feelings as i dont want anyone to get hurt. i also had not said anything to my colleague about him or how he might or might not feel, she picked up the vibes herself. i'm not sure what if anything to do about this, i think about him alot and at the moment its driving me nuts. please help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): You have to ask him what's going on. It sounds as though he's interested but you need to find out what in. Some men just cannot resist the sex no matter what situation they are in. But also people get married by mistake sometimes - they discover they're not with the right partner. They try to make the best of it and then bam - the one they should have waited for appears. This could be him. Admittedly a baby complicates things big time. But heck, he's only got one life, you've only got one life. The baby WILL be fine if you make sure you allow him (and even make him) be a Dad - each week at least.Follow your heart - you owe it to yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): have spoken with the guy in question, he knows that nothing will happen not that we did anything anyway and have agreed to keep things friendly but professional.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 "For your information grimm reality, i was not avoiding the issue this am, i had a meeting to go to. and where in my post did i say he is totally to blame - NOWHERE"
Oh really? Lets go to the videotape...LOL
"I'd prefer it if you didn't come across as saying i'm the villain. i have NOT done or said anything to encourage him"
THERE POSTER! YOUR OWN WORDS!
I rest my case....LMAO!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): instead of both you and Grimm trading "insults" lets look at this realistically:
1. you like him
2. he is married
3. his baby will be born in a months time
4. he has told you he likes you and wants to be with you.
this is not a dr /nurse romantic fairytale. you are setting yourself up for tears and heartache if you follow your heart. the good dr has indicated he wants to be bet your legs (in reality this is what his words"he wants to be with me" mean.
the question is , do you play his game and indulge in this affair. or you have a little bit more respect for yourself and look aroung for an available man who will respect you and value you. you can only make one choice which will affect you for yrs to come. the affair will start of nicely, it is the end that would shock you. and plse dont think he will leave his wife for you.
Lastly you talk about religious differences. maybe this dr thinks he can "screw" a girl from another religion bec she means nothing. i note you are from the UK, i was going to mention the 2 religions concerned but maybe i would be blamed for generalising about the religions.
so let me try to be tactful:
if you belong to Religion A, and him to Rel B. the dr from Rel B would prefer to do his dirty deed with a female from another Rel, in your case A, because he knows nothing will come of that relationship. there's also a perception that the girl from the other rel is easy. another thing heknws he can just discard you once he is finished with you since there is no accountability. if he has to do the deed with the another girl from his own rel then he is in trouble. can you see the trend here - meaning the affair with you being from another REL means you are easy, cheap and he can discard you. i hope i am not confusing you but if i mention the religions that perhaps i may be accused of religious intolerance etc. but i think you get the picture.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): It's shitty of him to not wear a ring if he's married, I know b/c I've been there done that. Yes it sucks when the person encourages you and leads you to believe they're single and someone else is the one to let you know, AFTER you develop feelings for this person, that they are not available the way they led you to believe.
BUT, now that you know, you have to do the honorable thing and stay away from this guy. Be happy, if you can, that you wasted no further time, effort, or attention, sexual or otherwise, on someone you will never have. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): for your information grimm reality, i was not avoiding the issue this am, i had a meeting to go to. and where in my post did i say he is totally to blame - NOWHERE. Nothing has happened by the way because i don't want him to lose his family or for our working atmosphere to be strained. dont tar all women with the same brush mr grimm, some do try and do the right thing!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 June 2009):
"I'd prefer it if you didn't come across as saying i'm the villain. i have NOT done or said anything to encourage him, i chat with him as i do everyone else. don't say i have to avoid him as we work together and that is going to be absolutely impossible. also to update he has spoken with me this a.m and told me he likes me and that he wishes he could be with me. i made an excuae as i was just passing and said that we need to talk about this some other time."
So it's all his fault, is it?
Well why didn't you just stop him in his tracks this morning and end this? Your defensiveness tells us otherwise.
Put on your raincoat, honey. You got a shitstorm coming.
You need to accept your share of the blame. If you didn't want this low drama to continue, why fob him off this morning? We are trying to give you advice as best we can, so you can either take it or leave it. But don't tell us that you have done nothing to encourage this at this point. That is complete and utter hog wash.
If you didn't like the attentions you would not have these feelings of not being able to stop thinking about him. That doesn't just happen over night.
Have you reread your original post?
If you didn't share some of the blame you wouldn't have written here in the first place. You could have just nipped this in the bud, but you allowed it to fester. So just be honest with yourself.
I see a boatload of unnecessary trouble ahead for you , I hope I am wrong, but I don't think I am.
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Don't even start this relationship. It will be disastrous. He may seem like a nice guy now, but just think if he does go after you he will have shown himself to be a liar and a cheat. someone who will cheat on his wife when she is highly pregnant with his child; now thats LOW. you don't need that in your life!
also if anything goes wrong he's a DR. you're a nurse which means that he probably has a little more influance in over your quality of work than you have over his. not a good idea.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Sweetie, sounds like this dr is trying his luck. He is just looking for a bit of excitement at work. If he does propose anything to you explain that you dont have affairs with married men because you respect yourself too much!
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 June 2009):
Well you better UNTHINK ABOUT HIM!
Not only is it insane to think that this is going to go anywhere, but I get the feeling you are trying to talk yourself into sleeping with him.
Take a look at your post.
Don't go down that road. Forget about this NOW! Why risk the future of an innocent child to not have both parents because of a poor decision you make? And it is a poor decision to have anything to do with a married man!
You are a nurse, dedicated to helping people. You should know better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): i'd prefer it if you didn't come across as saying i'm the villain. i have NOT done or said anything to encourage him, i chat with him as i do everyone else. don't say i have to avoid him as we work together and that is going to be absolutely impossible. also to update he has spoken with me this a.m and told me he likes me and that he wishes he could be with me. i made an excuae as i was just passing and said that we need to talk about this some other time.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 June 2009):
I don't care if he was forced at gun point to marry this other woman... he chose to have un protected sex with her and have a child.
Even if you are cold enough to be able to steal another woman's man.... are you capable of taking a child's father away?
Or are you willing to deal with a very bitter ex wife for the whole of your relationship with him and always ALWAYS come second to the child.
Run away from him. Think of this as a silly crush and work hard to get over him. This has CATASTROPHE written all over it.
I know how hard it is to have a life when you are in the NHS. But go out with your girlfriends and flirt with some guys. You have to see that there is more out there than him so you can forget him.
Good Luck!! xx
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