A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend was so much in love with me when we started our relationship that she lost her virginity to me, and we are about 4months into the relationship. her ex bf who she was with for almost 3years and who is presently about 10hours away from she where she is, happens to speak with her(as they had not spoken since we started going out, cause i told her i did not just like that idea, since she wasnt fully over him when we started, but she goes behind my back to speak with him), and i happned to have her password, and saw all the conversation she had. he told her he still loved her and she replied that she loved him too and misses him. he said she should break up with me, she replies saying i dont know how to do it, that she is scared. i then confront her and show her that i have seen the msgs, and tell her that she can go, but she comes back a week after, crying and begging me that she is sorry, that she just realised she made a mistake, that do i still love her to get back with her? i then give her another chance stating that she never talks to that guy. well she calls me 3days after saying, she is scared that she might mess up again, that althou she has resolved not to talk or have anything to do with her ex cause she has realised over the one week that she went back to him that she just doesnt love him, but she was just dwelling in the past, remembering how much she loved him when they where together, that if he comes back to talk with her, she is scared she wont be able to handle it properlly, which might then cause another problem, she then says that i should forget the whole relationship and just be friends, and that altho she has also told her ex she doesnt want to have anything to do with him,(which he replied her trying to make her feel bad on why did she lead him on at first), she would rather loose both of us than get back with me and messes up again. i call her afterwards saying that if she sticks with these decision she would loose me forever (i actually do love and care about her alot, althou i try not to show it too much to her and i also havent told her that, since she messed up), and that why would she be bothering about if the other guy come back. ask her if she still loves her ex, she said no, not at all. she is presently confused and said i should give her a week to decide, i know this is long but i seriously need your help, as i dont know what to do about it all??
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks people.... u both have helped a lot
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 June 2009):
So is she going to pick the guy who says "I love you, come back to me! I'd treat you well and try really hard."
or you. The guy who says "i actually do love and care about her alot, althou i try not to show it too much to her and i also havent told her that."
Hmmm. Tough choice.
If you want this girl then bloody well tell her. Fight for her man!
Don't just sit there being all high and mighty and then expect her to come begging for forgiveness.
Yes she messed up but by pushing her away you are going to make this choice very easy.
Tell her how you feel in a hand written letter and continue not to see her.
I'm sure she'll be back and then you need to forgive and forget this and move on and PROVE to her that you are the best boyfriend ever and a million times better than her ex could ever be.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Burnt_feet +, writes (3 June 2009):
 Hmm. Firstly, in this is just my opinion, but your relationship seems to have an absolute ton of distrust floating about. Though I can understand -why- that is, if you want your relationship to work, you both have to trust each other. Can you allow yourself to trust her?
Also, it seems to me that this girl doesn't know what she wants. At all. Though I can understand that she might be 'stuck in the past' and needing to have some closure with her ex-, it doesn't seem like she's going to make her true mind up any time soon. Even after this week, I wouldn't be overly surprised if she phoned her ex- again. Though, in fairness, I don't know your girlfriend, so I can't really give amazingly accurate foresight on her behalf.
However, I believe in giving people a second chance. I think you should do the same. Even though she has let you down once, I would like to think that your relationship with her can work -- especially as she lost her virginity to you which means your relationship must have a degree of specialness.
I say just keep in your mind the possibility that, if she does start calling her ex- again, you may have to start looking for another girlfriend. Why on earth should you have to wait around for someone who would repeatedly betray you? Though, of course, that's not that she necessarily *will* betray you.
Give her the space, see how it goes, and react accordingly. I know it's hugely confusing right now, but things will work out eventually. Trust me on that. :]
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