A
male
 ,
*kintooth4
writes:So i know this older gal. She is incredible. We connect on soooo many things. Its pretty amazing. The problem is shes 24 and I just turning 19 in a week. I've had a huge crush on her since I started talking to her 3 years ago. I've kept quiet about my emotions for so long and I've watched her date other men who were either not good enough for her or they treated her badly . I couldn't stand it but I didn't want to do anything because our friendship is soo fantastic. I've come to the point where I really can't hold it in any longer. I want to tell her but I don't want the friendship to go to shiot. I really care for her soo much and if I lost her as a friend because of what i said I would be soo upset. Is there a "easy" way to do this????
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 An option might be to write her a letter or email. The advantage of this is you can take your time to make sure you say what you want, and she gets to read it alone and not in 'the heat of the moment'. If you do this I recommend writing it then saving it before you send it, and review it a day or two later. This gives you the chance to evaluate how you are coming across. Then send it when you know you are happy with it. Make sure you say that you don't want your friendship to be effected if she is not interested in you romantically.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): I think it is fairly common for friendships to be instantly ruined by saying something like that if the other person doesn't recipricate.
Girls especially who make friends of the opposite sex can come to form really close friendships. This is because they do not feel threatened, or that you have any other motives other than respecting her and knowing her as a person (her experiences of boyfriends supports this)
If she finds out you have had these "secret" feelings towards her, for all this time, I wouldn't expect your friendship to continue as it is doing already.
You need to see if there is any indication that there is any chemistry in her for you. If not, you have been classed as the "good friend" and very little will ever change that.
I don't advocate psychological games but you should see how she reacts if you put a little bit of distance between you. She might realise how much she has come to rely on you, and perhaps her feelings may change.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 The bad news is I dont think there is an easy way to do this. However I think its unlikely you will lose her friendship and thats the good news. 5 years is barely an age gap at all so I wouldnt let it worry you.
I think if you are open about how you feel then even if she doesnt care about you in that way then she will appreciate you caring so much for her and it will probably strengthen the friendship. Dont focus on the negatives of what these guys have done but focus on the positives of what you can offer. Go for it else you will never know. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 June 2006):
 dear reader.
You have 2 options
1. swollow your pride and tell her EVERYTHING you need to back-track and see if she has given you any signs that she might feel the same way.
2. if your friendship means that much to you why mess it up if this is which way you go think of it this way there are so many people out there that know their soul mate and love never happens and speaking of soul mates if this is how you see this girl you don't neccessarly need to fall in love.
i can't tell you what to do on this one you have to make the choice on your own you need to be clear you know this person and if you got together would it last look at all her bad points too. you have got a lot of thinking to do ahead of you if you have any doubts this may end in tears so to speak then i strongly say don't do it .
Also you could try and speak to some people she knows see if they have any insite to what she feels for you.
anyway i wish you luck and i hope you find your answers but please don't rush into anyhting that could end badly.
good luck xxx
...............................
|
