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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, i have just found out yesterday that my boyfriends x girlfriend is pregnant but she doesnt know if he is the father or someone else i am really crushed and dont know what to do because i love my boyfriend to pieces and dont want to lose him but she has basically said to him if you stay with your girlfriend if the child is yours you wont have anything to do with it. my heads in bits. someone please try and help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): Are you refering to my answer? :) I meant his ex is blackmailing him... If not, apologises ;)
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Just to clarify I wasnt suggest you blackmail him I was merely suggesting that you accentuate the positive aspects of your relationship because its something positive you can put your energy into rather than worrying about his ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
I don't know your situation well enough to give specific advice, but I can tell you that to "blackmail" someone to being with you will not work. If you and your boyfriend are in a good relationship, I doubt his ex's demands will be listened too. I hope not any way.
Hopefully this ex will calm down, but all the same, you must understand her pain and see why she is doing this. She is deperate, and does not want to be alone bringing up a child.
Your boyfriend will have rights, not many, and it will be a struggle getting there. But, that is his only option. Hopefully if he can communicate to his ex, and say he will support his child, but that he will not give up any future relationships for it, she will come to understand. She is acting instinctually to protect herself at this early stage.
Good luck. Try to remain close to your boyfriend on this, talk about your fears, and find out what *HE* wants. Once you two are sorted, you can address the ex and his children problem -together-.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (12 June 2006):
This is a tricky situation because on one level there is not alot you can do. What you can do is be loving and supportive to your bf, make sure you have fun when you are together etc. This way you remind him of what he would be missing. Go all out to keep him by showing you how much happier you can make him.
His ex is being downright evil by saying this and holding him to ransom like this. Hopefully he will insist on establishing his peternity before he does anything. This could well be a trick on her part but he has to decide on that and deal with it himself and if you try to assert your own desire to keep him too much or suggest shes tricking him he may resent it. Focus on the positive and showing him how happy you can be together. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 June 2006):
 dear reader. sounds to me this girl is doing nothing but trying to trap him coz she's jealous, can he not see past this either? if she don't know who the father is why is your boyfriend even concidering it right now and i hope there's proof she's actually pregnant ( you hear so much of it about you need to be carefull) i think the best thing for you to do is be there for your boyfriend as you are now and wait and see what happens also he needs to know he can't be trapped into doing anything he has to make his own choices abotu this not be swade by either you or his ex.
sorry if i sound harsh on you but i'm afraid this is just a waitting game and once this baby has been born i strongly recomend DNA testing
good luck i hope you find some answers quickly
all the best xxx
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