A
female
age
30-35,
*ockthetrumpet
writes:The boy I like just got out of a long relationship. A couple weeks after, I got his number and we would text a lot and stuff. He's kissed me and we've cuddled since then, but today he told me he wasn't looking for anything serious right now. It hurts, but I totally understand considering the circumstances. I'm hoping that one day he might want something more, but as for now what should I do? Is it okay if we kiss/cuddle or should I not let him do that?I told him I didn't want to push him into anything. Will I eventually have a chance with him? Should I not let him kiss me anymore? Can I do anything to make him want to be in a relationship with me someday? Thanks!... Modnote: two questions combined where the start was exactly the same for both, but one question did not contain the last paragraph above.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): "as for now what should I do?"
Nothing OP, no more kissing and cuddling, if it's not going anywhere "right now" then you need to stop feeding your feelings like and teasing yourself. He doesn't just get to fool around with you casually because to you it means a lot more.
"Will I eventually have a chance with him?"
No, you will never have a chance with him. How do I know because this "he wasn't looking for anything serious right now" always means he's not looking for anything with YOU and probably never will. OP don't let the idea that he just needs time to get over his ex fool you into investing emotionally into him, if he wasn't ready to be with another girl then why is he kissing and cuddling you? "Right now" is always designed to keep you hoping just enough that you'll stick around and let him fool around with you. We don't say that to girls who we see having something serious with OP because most girls will wlak away when they hear that and we really wouldn't want to blow our chances with a girl we really like. It's as simple as that.
OP never put faith into "maybe in the future" "I don't want to lose you but I just can't right now" "I'm just out of a relationship", they all mean a guy is not interested in you in a serious way but he'll do what he can keep you around so you can entertain him sexually. If he doesn't want you as a girlfriend then why the hell is he acting like a boyfriend and kissing etc.?
"Can I do anything to make him want to be in a relationship with me someday?"
No, but you can wait and see if you like as strcitly platonic friends with no kissing and cuddling. Seriously OP, if he keeps trying it on, pestering you for a kiss or even talking about how fun it is to kiss and cuddle, then he doesn't see you as a serious girlfriend because he doesn't respect the boundary you set up, if he gets pissed off or stop making the effort to hang out with you even when he's sure nothing's going to happen then it means the same thing.
It's very easy to test us guys OP and smart women will always make us prove ourselves.
I have a felling you're just a rebound girl though OP, someone he can have sexy fun with to get over his girlfriend and nothing more. Take away that sexy fun and the cuddles and see how he responds. Don't give in to the usual bullshit tricks "I really like you but I'm not ready can't we just have some fun until I am" kind of thing. That's the oldest trick in the book.
Never give a guy something when he can't offer you what you want in return, you'll only get hurt.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 October 2012):
 He is still not over his ex, he needs time to heal and if you are not careful you are just going to be the rebound. He has told you he doesnt want a relationship right now, and there is nothing you can do to make him want one any time soon.
What you need to do is stop the kissing and cuddling, tell him you really like him but dont want to be his rebound so you just want to be friends for now. Make sure he doesnt cross the friends boundary with flirting etc, keep it purely platonic.
If and when he is ready for a relationship again, which could take years (are you really willing to wait for him?) then at least if you are still friends then he might think of you when he thinks about a new girlfriend. You might have a chance with him, he is obviously attracted to you, but at the moment you are the rebound so you need to stop any kissing and cuddling immediately. If you carry on being the rebound girl he will never take you seriously as a girlfriend, you will just be a bit of fun to take his mind off his ex.
Give him time and space to get over his ex, be his friend and nothing more. See what the future brings, but dont put your life on hold for him as you might be waiting a very long time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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