A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. It's been a kind-of rocky 5 months, but we've still been pretty happy. Just sometimes, I go through these phases, where I just need space and time away from him, but I put his happiness before mine. It makes me feel bad, then I don't care and he's hurt and sad, when we argue at times.It's not that I don't love him, it's just lately I can't stand the world. I'm tired of school, and I'm tired of putting myself last, and trying to work on everyone elses problems when I can't even fix my own. I'm having problems with my family too, and I have been for a while. But, my boyfriend had problems with his family as well.. so I just kind of put mine aside.I don't know how this all got started, I think I've just been bottling things up for too long. Unfortunatley, at this point in time, I'd rather be anywhere else then with him. I still want to be with him, but I wish it was at a time that was convienent for me. I've tried explaining to him that I'm under stress/pressure, but I know that's not an excuse whenever I act out.The hard part is, I know he REALLY loves me, and somedays I love him.. and other days I feel like I'm suffocating.(useful advice needed..) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Well, there is no such thing as loving someone "sometimes" either you do or either you don't....it's that simple.
There is nothing wrong with having space when you are stressed out, in addition extactly how much space are you talking about? If your bf is contacting you every single day, several times a day...crisis or not, that would be suffocating in itself, but if it's the opposite, you can't expect a relationship to thrive going long periods of time without some sort of contact. If he is contacting you too often, just talk to him about it, explain to him what you explained to the folks here on Dearcupid and be as nice when you are trying to get your point across to him.
Moreover, do you want space because you are stress out or do you want your space because, you are not certain about the relationship? In troubling times, healthy couples tend to stick together and assist each other through the difficult time...so if you are asking for a large amount of space and time away from your boyfriend, I am geared towards the notion that it is the relationship you are stressed out about and not necc. other situations soley.
A
male
reader, Wiseguy555  +, writes (5 June 2010):
I'm in a similar situation, my girlfriend of 4 months has two grandparents that have become ill. One is terminal, school has just wrapped up and now she needs to get a car, a job, and money going before fall classes kick in. She's scrambling to get things done and her parents are pushing her to do these things quickly. Then there is me her boyfriend, I live for my girlfriend, I will admit it, I am a slave to her love. She completes me and she knows this. She shares everything with me knowing I will understand. There are days where she is just quiet and wants to stay at home. Fortunately I can see why. It does not however sound like your boyfriend understands. Try telling him "look you're gonna drive me away if you keep acting selfish, I have a lot of things to worry about right now so I just need you to be patient and trust me and have confidence in our relationship if you want it to continue to grow." Hopefully it clicks with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I'm exactly the same as you! I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months and we work in the same office so see each other every day (and night). I like it sometimes but at others I feel suffocated. I just told him that I care about him and love spending time with him but still sometimes I need a bit of time on my own, just to do a few of my own things. Have you got some hobbies you like doing to relax on your own? Cos I like to play my violin and read books, so I tell him sometimes that I need a night alone to do those things. He understood and anyway, it's healthier in all relationships to have some time apart. As long as you explain it so it doesn't sound like you can't stand him all the time it should be fine.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2010):
 It's not just him, it's your whole life. You're taking WAY too much on! You're accepting too much stress, and instead of being a haven where you can go vent to your boyfriend or at least be at peace from stress, he's adding his problems onto your shoulders, making your stress unbearable.
You don't have to jettison him, but you can tell him how you feel. Have him just listen to you without trying to fix you, and without trying to redirect to his problems.
Tell him you need to get away and take a break from everyone, and then plan something to get away from your problems and take time to recharge, because you're totally run down like a dead cell phone.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (5 June 2010):
 I know exactly how you feel.
Just got out of a very similar relationship.
Ours lasted 7 months,
I put her happiness before mine always
we both have problems with our family
"The hard part is, I know he REALLY loves me, and somedays I love him.. and other days I feel like I'm suffocating."
That was honestly the same thing that held me back from breaking up with her for so long. Even though i felt so trapped, i knew she cared.
Now im not saying you should break up with him, but you definately dont seem happy. I think you need to put your own happyness first for once, and seriously ask yourself what is going to make YOU most happy. You're young. Trust me, if you thought he made you happy, you will definately find someone else that will make you happier.
Heres a link to the question i recently posted, i think some of the other answers there should have some things that can benefit you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/advice-please--how-can-i-get-my.html
xnickx
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