A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well. I have a question for you guys - if anyone has been in a similar situation, it would be great to hear how it worked out!I recently met a woman - maybe six weeks ago now. We started talking on a dating app, she seemed intelligent and funny and interesting, so we met up and she turned out to be absolutely stunning as well. I think she's great. She's strong, independent, professional, and there's something about her character that I find very appealing - a sort of coolness and bluntness when she gives her views on things. I really, really like her a lot. I want to date her seriously.The only thing is, I don't really feel a lot of attraction towards her! I don't understand why at all - like I said, I think she's gorgeous. But we've been to bed together twice, and she sends me titillating messages... and for me, the chemistry just seems off. (For her, I don't think it's the same. She is a lot more into it than I am.)I feel terrible about this! I really, really like her, and I want to be more attracted to her. Can it build up, even if at the beginning it's not amazing? Or if the spark just isn't there, should I let it go and try to build a friendship with her? To be clear, this isn't one of those "bad sex" problems where the answer is just paying more attention to each other or trying out new things - it's really a chemistry thing (skin texture, the way she smells etc). What can I do?Thanks for your help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. Yeah, that was pretty much my gut feeling, but I was holding out hope that someone was going to reply "sometimes it's a slow burn and it flares up later!" or something along those lines. Well, I broke up with her as nicely as possible. Damnit though, she's incredible, why can't I just be attracted to her? oh well.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (20 February 2018):
I've had attractions to women who were considered gorgeous but just didn't do it for me. Just about all of these were women that I'd worked with so I didn't pursue them romantically. These turned into friendships because I seemed to be the one guy who they could trust not to hit on them.
I was engaged to a woman who was as you describe...there was no question that she was conventionally a beauty. Initially I had a physical attraction, mostly because of her good looks. I was willing to let go of the fact that she wasn't my type. We shared various artistic and other interests. But it just wasn't going to work for me. I became less interested in sex, which upset her, of course, and things spiraled downhill to our break-up. I learned a lot from that relationship...I no longer initiate a relationship unless she is physically and chemically "my type."
If you aren't attracted to her now, any amount of good times and shared interests won't make you more attracted to her. She'd probably make a great friend for you although she may not tolerate something less than a romantic and sexual relationship.
You asked for advice for anyone who had been in a similar situation and I've given you mine. I wish I had a positive answer but I don't.
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