A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My Fiance, slept with his late wife's sister soon after she passed. before we got together he said he was done with her and that they worked all there feelings out and that they would never do that again.. let me also mention that the sister is married but it was OK to sleep with her because his wife was dead and he wasn't married.. this is what he told me.. Since we have been together he still gets texts from her flirtatious ones , his late wife also has grand kids which are in California and so is the sister, he wanted to go see the grand kids , i asked if i could go,and he pretty much yelled and screamed at me and said he didn't want to wait the four weeks until I had vacation.. While he was down there just to visit the gran-kids I found out he met up with the married sister in-law.. and I also found an e-mail stating he loved her and missed her very much.. I asked him and he yelled shes family never ever mentioning her husband and that he loves them both or anything just that he loves her... I really feel I need to get out of this mess, but he keeps telling me I'm making a mistake.. should I run as fast as I can? HES got me so confused.. He says he would never cheat on me , but then why sleep with your deceased wife's sister who is married is that not cheating? he tell me I will be sorry if I leave him? Sorry for what? And also that I am suppose to accept this women he slept with because she is his family.. ??????
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 There are a ton of red flags in your post and unfortunately the biggest red flag is you.
You find an email that plainly states that he misses her and loves her and yet you wonder if he is worth keeping? How long do you suppose you will be wondering once you guys are married? Do you think any future family reunion will not leave you worried or emotionally miserable?
Problems like these don't go away on their own.
One, he doesn't respect the boundaries of marriage. While he may be single, he certainly doesn't respect his sister-in-law's marriage and therefore his respect to the institution is dubious at best. Good guys don't sleep with married women.
Two, instead of dealing with your trust issues and trying to make you feel secure, he reacts defensively by yelling at you. I wonder how many tough or difficult aspects of your relationship he deals with by resorting to intimidation and hostility. Take some time before answering that question yourself; my guess it is far more than you initially think.
Only you can determine whether to end this relationship, but I see a ton of warning signs on this and you may regret not heeding them. Definitely take a time out and sort out your thoughts and feelings from a rationale perspective. What would recommend your daughter / friend do in the same situation?
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): don't be confused by him. Know that everything is says is complete NONSENSE!! he obviously has a serious thing for his sister-in-law but since he can't 'have' her all to himself because she's MARRIED, that's why he wants you to stick around to keep him company when she can't be with him. he might have always felt this way about her but when his wife was alive that put an extra barrier because she's her sister. But now that his wife's gone he's not going to let anything or anyone stop him from getting with his sister-in-law. He can't have her all to himself cos she's married so he's settling for being with you while still trying to steal whatever moments he can with her. That's a horrible way to treat you and you won't be getting anything out of this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Don't wait - run like crazy. This is not a nice man.
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