A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In need of some advice. Will try and make it as brief as i can. I have had terrible luck Relationship wise all my life. I dont ask for much or expect much. my last relationship i had been in was with a very troubled person for the last 5 years. This last year i have kept a distant and we have remained friends whilst he has been trying to sort himself out. He has been upset with himself because he knows that i just want to settle and have a family life. I am 33 years of age now and have been worrying about children. Anyway, this last 6 months i had met someone else where we started off as really good friends, and then things progressed into more. I have become very fond of him, but in regards to settling down with him for the future and having children with, i have had my doubts so i supose i could say ive been ejoying myself with him after all the stress i have had in my last relationship. This man i have been seeing is alot older than me he is 49. the other concern of mine is, he drinks too much so this is why i have had my doubts in looking at being with him full time, and have been thinking well im having a good time, if someone else comes along then then maybe i should look at that is what i have had in the back of my mind. Well something else has happend, in the last month. I have been freinds with a man for a couple of years who has told me he has always had feelings for me. So i have now been on a couple of dates with him, and he is treating me really well. However the 49 year old i have been seeing, i had an accident with a condom, 4 weeks ago, he has always had trouble conceiving because he has a low sperm count, so has always had to take extra things to help when he had his children previously. I knew this anyway but because i was still concerned i took the morning after pill anyway for peice of mind. I hadnt been feeling right still but thought it may have been that pill. I took a test this morning and, i cant believe it, it has happend. possitive! So its basically this, i have fallen pregnant with he 49 year old, who i feel concerned about having a stable settled down relationbship with, even though i really want that family life, but was thinking ill carry on seeing him has im having a good time etc so why not, this someone else that could be good for the future and that maybe could be ideal for me to have that stable family life with has turned up. What do i do???? If i have this baby obviously this will ruin the chance of anything progressing with the new man i have been dating, or do i take the risk and go for it with the 49 year old???? Oh i dont know what i should do. I took every precaution necessary and this has happend, i just cant believe it! I always wanted to plan when i would have a baby and know that i was in a stable secure relationship. I fear that if i have this baby i could end up a single mum. And what man is going to want to be with a women with a baby that is not his own. I have told the 49 year old on the phone this morning. he said he would support me with whatever i wanted. But he said i should think of my age, not that im old, but 33 so if i want children this could be the time i should do it. Plus his age also because this would be the last time for him. Im so confused!! If i decided not to have it, how do these pill things work, do you just take one and thats it?? Should i even not consider not having it????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): I wouldn't go through with the pregnancy if I were you. 33 is not that old. I have many friends who had babies in their late 30s. you still have time to find the right relationship to build a family from. the thing is, if you have this baby, the 49 year old is the father so...that pretty much lessens the possibility of developing other relationships with better men. if the 49 year old is not everything you want in a husband and father for your kid, then don't make him into one! What will his other kids think of having a new half-sibling who is so much younger than them? that's quite a lot of drama, for a 49 year old guy to be having a new baby all over again with a new woman, it will throw his family into turmoil too and you will have to deal with them because now miraculously they become your family too since you and him are connected by a kid!! why make your life even more complicated than it already is? the sooner you take that pill, the less of a "issue" it is. Remember, many pregnancies naturally end in a miscarriage, many times women dont' even know they were pregnant and miscarried.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (27 August 2013):
 Firstly the man you do or don't want to be with is now no longer a priority I'm afraid. This baby is.So, you have decide do you want it? If the answer is yes then you need to ensure that you take really good care of yourself and see your GP etc etc.If not you need to speak to your GP asap.With reference to the guys you're dating, all you can do is be brutally honest.The new guy in your life needs to be told how you feel but I can imagine he won't be thrilled to find that your sleeping with your current b/f whilst dating him. Whether you decide to keep the baby or not he'll need to be told.Your current, older b/f is clearly quite supportive of the idea and if you feel you're going to stay with him you need to address his drinking and other problems.However, You're clearly not happy with either as you've been cheating on both.I know this answer won't be popular but quite frankly you have created a horrible mess and the fallout effects at least 4 lives.This baby deserves to be your priority and if you're keeping it then all your energy needs to be focused on them.AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): I was in a similar situation as u, although my partner was quite abusive. Growing up I was quite against terminations but yet here I found myself sitting at the clinic. I wasn't ready to be a mum, especially not to someone like him. I felt so strongly about being a single mum and wanting to be in a stable loving relationship with someone I had spent years with, for us to plan a pregnancy together and be excited about it. I took the tablet. I won't lie, for weeks after it I felt terrible but I know I couldn't have had that child in an abusive environment and once I had that baby I'd be tied to that man for the rest of my life. I know ur situation is different but u decide what's right for u.. Good luck.
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