A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Because this is quite possibly the hardest situation I have ever been in throughout my life, I really need some advice. I met this amazing girl a few months ago and we hit it off and had a great time for the first few weeks. She told me that she had recently broke up with her boyfriend of a few months, and that he had cheated on her and she was done. I didn't really expect a whole lot out of the relationship, maybe just another good friend for the time being then maybe more down the road. It turns out that her ex is a controlling compulsive lying maniac, and once he found out about me, he just had to have her back and somehow talked her into another chance. Things got very weird and we stopped talking for several weeks, which was very hard because at this point I realized I really started to develop feeling towards her. I started to let it go when she called me and gave me an explanation which is somthing to the effect of she feels that she can change someone and its very hard for her to let go and give up, but she really does want to be with me and I would just need to give her some time. I didn't really think much of it but she insisted that we stay in contact, and we have since then. Things have been great, I know she wants to be with me, she tells me this all the time, we talk about our future relationship quite a bit and weve gotten very comfortable with each other. I have been very patient through this whole situation because I know she is exactly what I have been looking for over the past few years and I really would hate to give that up. The only catch is the other guy is still lurking in the background. He just wont seem to go away. It has come down to a stalker-ish level, with him constantly driving by her house and making hundreds(Not exaggerating) of phone calls to her in any given day. She is scared of what might happen if an order of protection is put into place, which is what I recommended. She tells me she needs to deal with it a different way, but she is not sure what that way is. She keeps telling me to be patient and everything will work out fine in the end, she just needs to deal with this whole issue first. She does not want to be with him but I know she still does have a part of her that cares about him and really does hate to give up on him. What can I do to help her? Is there anything? Am I setting myself up for a huge disapointment? I truly do care about her and I know she wants to be with me...Do I continue waiting?????
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Nope. She wants to keep her cake and eat it too.Having a stalking-ish ex is surely a big nuisance but it's nothing that cannot be dealt with. If it really gets to be a huge aggravation,or potentially dangerous, than she needs to tell the police .You can't put your life on hold waiting for her ex bf to see the light and change his ways. This girl needs to take charge of the situation and not just wait that the problem goes away by itself. I am sure she knows that too and she is just taking advantage of your patience.
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