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female
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anonymous
writes: My mother has been divorced from my father since i was three. He was a bad person, and ended up in prison for sexual harrassment (he was not charged for harrassing her, although she has admitted to me that he did). 13 years on and she has joined a dating agency, which didn't bother me as she has done this many times before and nothing has come out of it. But now she has this new man that she's talking to for hours on the phone and meeting up with. I know i should be happy for her, as she's had very little interaction with men, and hasn't been in a relationship since she was with my father (i don't think), and she's obviously very lonely. But i really don't like it. I know i'm being selfish but i really don't want some stranger to wander into my life and take over, even if it costs my mother her happiness. She's changed already, acting like a teenager, it's really getting to me.What makes me particularly angry is that i was in a relationship a few months back with a guy who i was completely in love with, but my mother hated him because he caused me to run up phone bills and wander about in a state of dazed happiness, which is incredibly hypocritical of her, as this is exactly what she's doing now. I broke up with the guy, but we're contemplating getting back together, however the fact that my mother hates him is one of the things that is stopping him from trying again with me. I don't want to drive a wedge between my mother and her new man, but i really can't handle her being in a relationship. She doesn't seem to realise that this affects my life too.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (11 June 2006):
 I think you maybe see this new man in your mum's life as a threat. You don't say why your mum hated your ex apart from the phone bills, something tells me there is a bit more to it than that, maybe she's looking out for you and could see something in this guy that you being loved up at the time couldn't, us mums are funny like that!
The thing is you are subconsciously trying to protect your mum from getting hurt, in the same way she has tried to protect you, but you are young and will no doubt in time leave home to live your own life.
Your mum is enjoying the attention she is getting from this new man, and I'm sure although you might not realise it, she will consider you in any decisions she makes regarding this new romance.
Sit your mum down and have a little heart to heart with her, tell her how you're feeling, I'm sure she will reassure you there's nothing for you to be worrying about.
You don't say if you have any brothers or sisters, so I will assume that it has just been you and your mum all these years, she has given you many years of her life and now she feels you are grown and less dependent she feels it's maybe time she started thinking of her own future. For you the thought of someone else coming between you and mum, is worring you, it's quite understandable that you may feel the relatinship you have with your mum will change, it may change a little, but I'm sure your mum won't let a man come between you.
Be patient and I'm sure given time things will settle down and your mum will return to planet earth, just let her enjoy this time in her life.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (10 June 2006):
 wll you basically just answered yourself. your not happy with your moms relationship and shes not happy with yours, so what you waiting for??take a chance, if your mom can do it then why cant you??
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