A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi~my boyfriend and i hav been dating for about 20months. i found out a while ago that i am too controlling. it upsets me because i dont know why i am like that. i freak out when he talks to other girls, spends too much time with his friends and little stuff like that. i want him to spend al his time with me and he must do what i want him to do, and if he doesnt then i get angry with him and ignore him. i know that in life there will always be something that will disappoint me and things wont ever be how i want it to be all the time. i try and just let go of the things that bothers me but it never really works. When i get angry with him i say things that hurt him even though it was unintentional. We have had a lot of breakups but we always end up back together... but now i dont think he will take any crap from me any longer.. im scared im going to loose him...i really love him with all my heart and soul. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): I am currently in the same situation, except he has left me saying he didn't feel he could be himself because he was always trying not to upset me. I was freaking out a lot even if wasn't giving me any reason for it so this controlling feeling needs to be used in a better way, on yourself for exemple. If he doesn't do what you want, it is because you are expecting too much, maybe his way is not wrong either. Breathe in, say ok when he wants some time apart (day away, night out with friends), get upset on your own, try to get rational about your fears and when he comes back, be normal, he will be happy and love you even more as he will have had time to miss you. Also don't spit all your feelings out in anger, take time to think it over and to express your feelings without letting your emotions take over.I am only realizing this now but it may be too late for me!Just think that your way is not the only one and listen to his needs, there is no need to be scared.
A
female
reader, amybelle2000  +, writes (22 June 2008):
I believe he knows he has you right where he wants you. He likes that he is in control and to leave you scared. Its not control at all on your part. It is feelings of things that aren't resolved and that he tells you things he doesn't follow through with and ignoring what you say. Men think if they have you, then they don't have to work on the relationship to keep it going. I am in this same situation as I type this.I am thinking of pushing him away.He is a hassle in my life that I don't need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): You are trying to control things because things have not been resolved from the past. I am going through the same problems as well. Things have not changed between us and there is no resolution to the problems because he avoids fixing them. Men can tend to feel since they have you, they don't have to work on the relationship. Its terrible we have to cry and throw tamtrims to get what we want or need.I hope it works out for you..Amy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): You are so angry because nothing has ever got resolved. I am in the same situation
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