A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. This kind of thing is always asked, but I just don't know what to do!Basically, I read my boyfriend of 6 months messages a few weeks ago because he is so protective of his cell, I know this is wrong and that I have betrayed his trust, and I am not even going to consider telling him about reading the messages, but there were things on there that I wasn't happy about - nothing explicit, but texts to a girl who I don’t know well, although he has known her longer than we have been together, which made me upset as the messages to and from were very sweet and loving and it was as though she was the girlfriend. It also appears to be that he calls her quite a lot. I don't know whether I trust him or not anymore but I sure don't trust her. Over the past weeks I've been monitoring his behaviour, and he is just as loving as he was before and seems very happy to say I'm his girlfriend in public etc. I guess what I'm trying to ask is: Do you reckon it is innocent, just slightly inappropriate or should I be worried? Is there a possibility that there could be things going on between both him and me and him and her? Is there any point in attempting to build up some of the trust that has been lost, or is it just best to end the relationship now as it is pretty new? Thank you so for taking the time to read this, I could really do with some advice.
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female
reader, ConstantlyHurt  +, writes (26 July 2009):
Well, you guys are breaking a very important rule here. A healthy relationship is built on trust and honesty. Why is he so protective on his cellphone in the first place? My boyfrnd used to act a lil weird with his phone but I'd kindly ask him to show me his phone, but b'cuz I didnt trust him but b'cuz he purposely act weird. If he's frndz with another gurl, y don't you know abt her? Talk to your bf abt being open and honest. I hope ur being open and honest as well :) U have no way of knowing what's going on unless you ask him. U don't have to mention that u read his msgs, just ask him abt his close frnds and see if he mentions her. Don't grill him!!! If he mentions her, then as for details....don't get all offensive with him...ask him casually and see. If he doesn't even mention a mere existance of such a person, then you should be worried. Remember to set down the fundamentals of a relationship early on in the relationship....tell him that u expect the relationship to be honest, open, and faithful. Assure him that u've been like that all this time. Good luck with everything and hope for the best :)
'Constantly Hurt'
A
male
reader, Timothy81 +, writes (26 July 2009):
#1. You do NOT trust him. Reading his text messages is a good proof of that. Then I just have to ask a question: if you don't trust him - why would you want to go on?
#2. Relationships are complicated. I know exactly how you feel. If my gfr was texting someone else using all the "sweetness" - I would probably be as concern as you are. So, I don't see a problem of being concern.
Think about it from a different prospective: you are young, attractive, and interesting. If he goes on with that other girl and leaves you - you win. How? Use your imagination. It's plenty of guys out there who might be dreaming of a girl just like you. You never know.
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A
female
reader, jan123  +, writes (26 July 2009):
personally speaking i would be a little concerned.
he could be testing the water here and seeing where it could go with the other person but who am i to know whats in a mans brain!!!
just tread carefully and keep ya eyes open, men can act all nicey nicey and thats where the deceit starts, i hope it is just a friendship but it doesnt appear that way, i certainly wouldnt be happy with it but now your in a stuation where you cant say anything cos you have checked his phone behind his back.
maybe just bring her name up and see his reaction
good luck x
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