A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, im 18 shes 16. Well we have been having some issues that i thought we were working out (jealousy and not trusting each other and such) But one day shes on my computer and leaves her myspace open, i decide to read some of her mails and come to find out she has been telling one of our mutual friends how much i mistreat her and that she wants to break up with me. I feel that she was lying to him for sympathy because I have been working to make things better. Later she tells him she likes him but he already has a girlfriend so she decides to be friends with him and try to reconcile with me. Well when i found this i was shocked. When i confronted her she says im making too much out of nothing, but i feel she attempted to betray me and i want to break up with her. Am i right for feeling this way?
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male
reader, charliejames  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Dear Anoynomous Author,
You can break up with her but before doing that you should ask her straight out was is going on and why. That way you can see the hole picture. Anyway if it is true than she should ask her for a second chance or just get rid of her. I mean there are plenty more fish in the sea.
From
Charlie James
P.S Good Luck!
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I wouldn't say that she was lying to him to get a sympathy vote. You could say that it was unfair of her to say so to your mutual friend because you've been trying to change things for the better.
As I Don't Lie has said, I don't blame you for feeling like a consolation prize. Knowing that she has expressed her affections for another guy would certainly indicate that she's got one hand on the emergency brake if you guys don't work out.
That's not fair. A relationship has to be taken whole-heartedly, If you are thinking of working through this problem instead of breaking up with her, you have to ask her if she REALLY wants to be in this relationship with you or not. If she does, she has to choose you over another guy (even if that guy was single).
At the same time, however, you can't look through somebody else's myspace/email/diary or whatever. Overcoming jealousy is about cultivating TRUST. It's like her leaving her wallet open on your table and you went through it without her permission and THEN asking her where she got all the money from.
Despite the truth her myspace revealed, it's just not done to go snooping on your girlfriend's account. Having a jealous nature means that you're prone to looking for betrayal, and YES you are more prone to making too much out of nothing.
I'll give you a personal example: my fiance doesn't trust me either. He has limited my social circle to a few girls and no guys. I cannot have physical contact with the guys that I bump into in public (ie. hug, kiss on the cheek). I don't go out at night without him, and I cannot email my old guy friends, and exes and exes' relations(like mothers and sisters).
I have no chance to be a harlot, a slut, a cheater, a drunkard, a party girl or anything and YET - whenever he asks me questions like "where did you go" "Where were you" "What did you do and who with" he never seems satisfied with my simplest of innocent answers.
We have fought over this. I have played along with his restrictions thinking that we will work out this jealousy problem and he'll get to know my personality and trust me but he seems even MORE insatiable. It's like I have to be up to something diabolical before he'll be happy.
The result: I don't take him seriously anymore. How can I when he thinks of me as something I'm NOT?
WHenever he gets on his jealousy wagon, I just switch off and start doing something else.
And that's what YOU have to deal with in your relationship. She might not take you seriously anymore, because that's what jealousy is - it's a summer rerun of Gilligan's Island. THe jealous beau has little respect for his girlfriend, and she gets sick and tired of it and has no respect for him.
I know you said that you're trying to make a change, you both have to agree on that too before you guys can move on with your relationship. IF you decide to, that is.
Understand that I don't blame you for everything, I'm assuming your girlfriend has no social life like I do. If she IS somebody you can't trust (IN ALL FAIRNESS, NOW) then I can't blame you for feeling jealous.
I told you of my own personal experience because I just want you to be aware of what else might be going on in your relationship. As I don't lie has said, the decision to terminate your relationship is up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): You two have been together for 3 years and she is still only 16! You are both only kids! Get out there and enjoy life and leave this serious stuff for when you are younger!! You both need to enjoy your youth before it is gone, and believe me it does go quick enough!! Stop all this spying and have fun!!
Take care
xx
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (2 March 2007):
 Yes, its very natural you feel betrayed, like you've been second best! I personally would not feel very good about myself if the only reason my girlfriends still with me is because she cant get with my friend!! Also, be aware of the fact that the trust issues youve been having with her will only grow stronger after what you've just read. If you ask me, I would say that this relationship has a lot of problems and that it needs a lot of hard work to even attempt to maintain it, let alone make it work in the long run. But then again, the choice is up to you and only you should decide.
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