A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help! my boyfriends sex drive is really high and mine is really low. its not like i find him unattractive or i don't enjoy the sex, i just don't feel like doing anything in the first place. has anyone any tips on how to raise my sex drive?
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female
reader, sasparella +, writes (4 March 2007):
Honey, the above advice is great but there may be another answer. I was in an eighteen month relationship with a man who had a very low sex drive, it fell apart recently due to all the tension that this caused. My sex drive wasnt sky high (from my point of view) but I felt that a couple times a week was satisfying - he could go for months and I had to do the instigating. Im afraid that you may be incompatible in this area and if this is the case your relationship will become very strained as you will feel pressure to perform and your partner will feel very very insecure and the problems will spiral. There is nothing worse that having sex when you dont want it but from your partners point of view ther is nothing worse than being rejected sexually be the one that you love. Be honest about whether you can honestly change what may be what is quite simply the norm for you, chemistry and intamacy cannot be forced, trust me Ive been there and the only soloution was to go our seperate ways. I truly hope that yours is a situation that can be fixed without you or your partner having to suffer. good luck. x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Start exercising! The better in shape you are the better you feel, the more confident you feel and the more you will be up for sex. Masturbate, the more you do, the more you are going to want to have sex. If you don’t have sex everyday, the feeling of wanting it goes away, but the more you do; do it, the more you will do it. Cheers!
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (2 March 2007):
If you enjoy the sex once it is happening, then at least you know if you make an effort, you will enjoy it.
It's a bit like going to the gym - you enjoy it when you get there, but you don't feel like going. As you may know, the way to make yourself go to the gym is to make yourself want it, and so you imagine how you will feel once you've been - feeling great, feeling fit and strong, full of endorphins, radiant.
The same is true of sex - remember a time when you had fabulous sex and think about what you liked about it - that should get you in the mood. Or read an erotic story (stories seem to work better for women than pictures or videos).
Also get your partner involved in turning you on mentally long before sex is on the cards - for example, he could text you during the day, saying how he is going to give you a lovely massage in the evening.
All of this still won't work if you have some control issues in your relationship - sometimes people subconciously stop themselves wanting sex to be able to withhold something from their partner, because they are somehow angry with their partner for something. To figure this one out, you need to make sure you have got a lot of emotional honesty with yourself, or use a counsellor to help you develop it.
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