A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been with this girl for about 2 years already. I love her to death. I have changed my ways for her to make her happy. My everyday is to make sure she smiles and laughs but at the same time im hurting. I am afraid to talk to her because she just wants to give up on our relationship and i dont want that to happen. Everytime we do talk about our issues she will just say whenever you do that i just feel like giving up. I hide all my feelings to myself. I dont want to hurt anymore from what she does but i dont think i can move on without her. Recently we just have broken up for about a week. She went out with her friends and she went to bars. There was an incident in her family and she called me because she had no one else to talk to. She came over to my house and we made up we are back together. She told me she slept with another guy while we were broken up and she also has kissed another guy. The reason behind our break up was when I looked through her phone i had seen someone call her at 2am I asked her who it was and why did she pick up. She replied she doesnt know why. I finally got her to confess that she had interest in him and he had intrest in her. I try to trust her and push everything aside but i cant. Everyday we are together i am hurt by what she does and what she says. I try to make this relationship work again but it doesnt seem as if she wants to. I just dont know what to do. I feel as if i go on with this pain i will eventually be happy with her but at the same time i just dont think she is giving it her all in this relationship as she claims to. please help.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 There are several things you need in a relationship to make it work.
The cornerstone of every relationship is trust, and right here is where you're starting to have problems. You feel you can't trust her because she's seeing and flirting with other men.
This is causing you a great deal of pain.
But that's only a part of the issue. The other part is whether or not you've built up more than just trust. You need several other things to make it work, one of which is intimacy.
Intimacy is an emotional and physical bond between her and you. And I don't see that happening here. If she can't trust you enough to tell you what's going on in her heart, then she's not being honest with you.
Part of intimacy requires that you have the ability not to judge her, but accept her issues and try and help work through them together. But you can't do that if she won't trust you with her feelings and emotions.
All of the work you're putting into this relationship amounts to a huge emotional investment. If she's not going to open up to you and tell you what it is that's attracting her to all of these other people, then you can't help her and find out what it is so that you and she can make it all work.
Simply put, you've said you've changed your behavior and done everything you could to make her happy. What has she done for you?
Either she appreciates everything you've done, or she doesn't and she needs to tell you that.
But most of all, if after everything you're still not happy then that tells me that you may never find happiness with her.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Relationships always require work, but that work is only successful if BOTH PARTIES make the same commitment and put in the same work.
I would have been outraged had you gone through my phone; however you did so because you felt you may find evidence of her behaving inappropriately. In my books, this is no excuse, but there is also no excuse for flirting with a man where there is interest beyond friendship, while I am committed to another.
As Gina pointed out, she went fairly easily into a sexual encounter with one man and began kissing someone else (I presume two encounters with two separate men in one week).
You don't trust her. You didn't trust her BEFORE your break-up, and for good reason. This relationship will not be cleansed by your pain.
She is not ready for a commitment. She wants to play the field.
I have a feeling that no matter what is advised you will stay with her and try to work it out. So regardless of my opinion on the matter I recommend that you do some good, hard thinking.
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