A
female
age
30-35,
*uliaash123
writes:well this is how my story began its kinda long so i hope you can bare with me... (i would appreciate it).. so i'm a 17 yr old about to be 18 in three to four months. i met this guy about 8 months ago and we've been talking ever since. surprisingly we are not together he has a problem committing. he wont let go of me but says he cant commit and is asking me to wait a year and if he cant change that i can just leave but hes expecting me to be loyal to him all the while. trust me this is only one percent of it. he is African american and i am in love with him, i am Egyptian and my family definitely does not approve. so many things happened that have effected us but unbelievably we are still talking. my father knew we were hanging out and stuff and when he found out he held me in the house tighter and tighter one day i sneaked out of the house and went to see him it was the last day of school... eventually of course i got caught i had never done something like that in my life so of course i was a little scared. well you can imagine what happened i got kicked out of my house, no where to go, no car, no money, no clothes, and he wouldn't let me in. on top of that he called my "love's" mother and told her that i had contracted HIV and gave it to him.... yea u read it. my own father made up a lie and whyyyy go through all this trouble because he is racist. (by the way we hadn't done the dirty deed yet and i had already been tested and hadn't been with anyone else since)Now my "love" hasn't moved past what has happened, we cant really hang out, he cannot commit right now(don't know if he ever will).. so i am stuck here he claims he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me but hes hurting me now i love him so much but i don't know whether i should wait an entire year and let him screw with other girls while im just sitting here on the sideline weve been through a lot in these 8 months So should i wait for another year for this guy? Will things eventually get better if i stick it out? my dad isnt really the problem im 18 in a few months so i guess thats not the huge issue here. i just don't know if loving someone so much that you would risk your health (depression) and your happiness for something that might not happen is really worth it?? HELP WHAT DO I DO?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Please don't wait for him!! Maybe, and that's a big maybe, if he'll wait for you too. But definitely don't be faithful to him when you're not even together and he's screwing around town!
But the thing is, people don't really get over commitment issues. When you're a person who can't commit, you can't commit. So I don't think he'll ever fully commit to you...
I can understand your dilemma though, being in love can be so awful and difficult..
I really hope you will be very happy in the future!! Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I'm terribly sorry to hear that. =( It's unfornate that he lied to you.From your words he seems to be confused, at least when it comes to his feelings about you. As to him wanting to be friends, it may be too early for that considering the recent break-up. It may be a sincere way for him to make it up to you, by being his friend though. Making him feel your pain wouldn't be a wise thing to do, but if he asks how you are feeling tell him the truth. Talk with him if he wants to talk, it'll help the situation and help you come out as a stronger person for it.All wounds take time to heal, if you have friends at school see if you can hang out with them to help ease the pain. Talk with new people, and try and get out some more. (Like go to the library or a school game)I hope you feel better soon!!
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A
female
reader, juliaash123 +, writes (16 September 2009):
juliaash123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits juliaash123 again well im updating... day before yesterday we had a talk/fight i ended it and when i was breaking it off he admitted he lied about his feelings for me and that he saw me as his grandma or mother because i gave him compliments and took care of him... i didnt go to school or talk to him all day all i did was sleep sleep sleep and cry, i am depressed as hell and dont know wat to do??? i dont know how to get over it i really loved him obviously i took crap from my father for him, spent my time, money, committed, waited, and gave him love, and in the end he broke my heart WHEN I WAS ENDING IT! god hes a jerk i cant believe he lied to me for that long.. i need help my question is he still wants to be my friend should i? i really just want him to feel the same pain i felt.. how do i do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): If he's expecting you to stick around and wait while he's out and dating other girls, you should question why you want to be with him.
Set him down and have a talk with him about what's going on, you can't let this affect you more than it has if he won't pull his fair share in the relationship. And if he's still unsure, give him a few days to think it over and have the talk again. Let him know how you feel, and how you want things to be. If it doesn't work out, it may be time to move on.
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