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male
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anonymous
writes: I don't have problems meeting nice guys but basically I am too needy! I met someone really nice a month ago and played it cool, yet as things seemed to be going well, I had what I thought was an inconsequential conversation about where we were at and basically completely scared him off.I seem to always ruin every realtionship I start because of that, stupid question but how can I get (or appear) less needy with men? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (24 September 2005):
There isn't anything wrong with asking a man what he is looking for when you meet him. Example: Asking if they are looking for a relationship or just dating around. When they make it clear to you that they only want to date you however, don't push it. It is better to act like you are not looking for something serious than to tell them you are. Men don't like needy women, most of them already think all of us are just out there fishing for somebody to take care of us.
Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): Dear, you've got to stop asking that question. Dating is supposed to be fun and the real purpose is discovery. It is to find out whether you are compatible and there is chemistry. Some people may know immediately that they have met their soul mate. For others, it takes a long time before they feel sparks flying. If you seem anxious for a commitment so early into the relationship, you are coming across as needy and desperate. Those are not traits men find attractive.
The next piece of advice for you, would be to realize that you may be ruining your chances with a man who is just enjoying your company for the moment. He isn't thinking of the future (at least, not yet) and many guys resent being forced to think about committment so early in the dating game. Remember this saying, "Patience is a virtue". It applies here, bigtime.
Give it time, at least six months, before asking this type of question. Just relax, laugh and have fun with dating. Don't rush it. Best of luck and Take Care
Hugs,
Irish
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