A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I work in a condominium and have gotten the chance to know a lot of really lovely people. One of them is a lady "Mary" who has the absolute cutest baby daughter. She showed a mommy's day video made for her by her partner and I stupidly asked "Did your husband make it?" Not knowing she was gay etc. Of course, she said no, her partner did and I felt SO bad. I respect and really like this woman and I saw that this bothered her. I said sorry and really meant it. I also honestly said that her partner has skill in editing videos in trying to lighten things but that was it. She looked upset and I wanted to say SO much like: you have a beautiful family, I didn't mean that question in a bad way and one of my the greatest people I know is also trying to have a baby with her partner. But I clammed up. Guys, I feel bad. I had a major foot-in-the-mouth moment. I think she felt that I should have known or guessed. But, though I really like her I never thought to ask etc. There are many couples here whose spouses I never, ever see cause they work or travel. I've seen her partner but I never assumed they were together...What should I do?
View related questions:
condom Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 Nothing. If anything I think if there were to be any sort of an apology it should be that her reaction made you feel uncomfortable. I mean really, how the heck would you have known otherwise. 2 mums, 2 dads, 2 dads 1 mum, 2 dads 2 mums, trans gender parent or plain ol boring 1 mum 1 dad families and I'm sure there are more combinations than that too. Cant get them all right
A
female
reader, bittersweetchicka +, writes (10 May 2016):
You sound like me.. I think you should just let it go.
Just be who you are and all will work its self out.
...............................
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 What's wrong with that? It's a perfectly normal assumption to make, seeing as the majority of people are hetero. As a gay lady, I would never dream of being offended if someone didn't magically guess that I was in a relationship with a woman without me telling them.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Agreed. LET it go.
when you see her be nice and friendly if you want. Smile at least...
You had no clue.. my husband is 13 yrs younger than I am and when we were first together he looked much younger than he is. (thankfully now he looks my age) and i was asked (as he was having a PTSD meltdown in public) if he was my SON. I said "no my husband" the poor woman looked mortified. I am sure to this day she feels HORRIBLE. I think it's funny. But then my husband does act like he's 12.
SHE feels worse than I do. I am betting it's the same thing here YOU feel worse than the nice neighbor.
Just let it go and when you see her make sure to use the word "partner" as in "how is your partner?"
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Don't worry about it!! Homophobia has to do with being deliberately ugly to homosexuals. You did nothing of the sort, and I think maybe you may have been oversensitive to her reaction because of your embarrassment of assuming she was straight. Like other people have said - just be friendly like always. The PC wording of relationships is ever-changing.
Look at the bright side! You could have done a REAL gaffe like ask a non-pregnant woman when her baby is due! Just look at what you did the same as when a jogger catches a pothole on the the sidewalk and takes a spill. Get up, dust yourself off, maybe laugh at yourself a bit, say sorry (which you did), and then keep on jogging.
You're fine. The worst thing you can do is act all awkward or apologize every time you see her/them. The best I can compare it to is someone breaking wind in an elevator full of people. It's embarrassing, but it's in passing, and just get on with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Let it go.
You made a presumption (and a fairly NORMAL one) and you were wrong. Why she got so upset is honestly a little beyond me. To presume it was her husband not her wife/SO isn't disrespectful, rude, crude, cruel or mean. Most people would have thought the SAME as you did. Because? MOST couples ARE a man and woman.
You apologized and you meant it.
END of story.
Really? How were you supposed to know she has a wife and not a husband? Mind reading? Crystal ball?
Stop beating yourself up over it, maybe just in the future instead of presuming something, just ask? Like oh who filmed it? It's very nicely edited. Then she could have chosen to bring up her wife or not.
People are so obsessed with being politically correct that they JUST go overboard. Relax.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 There is nothing that you can do now, you just need to let it go and be normal with her. It is an easy assumption to make so don't beat yourself up about it, people make these mistakes all the time. Am sure she will have forgotten about it already. Just be friendly with her like you always are and you will soon forget that it happened.
...............................
|
