A
female
age
36-40,
*reeangel
writes:A short question to help with a lengthy one...!A guy I really like has been unsure if he wants the commitment of a relationship, (we were seeing each other and it was going really well before he suddenly got all mixed up about it) and basically, last week, I said that I wanted to be with someone who know's what they want and that maybe we should just be friends,.. Would it make the guy sit up and think at all?! He has been pretty up and down about what he wants with me and I got a bit frustrated. Of course, I want to still see him and meet up with him but I didn't wana seem like I'd hang on like a lost puppy. He seemed annoyed and a bit upset when I told him this and said, 'oh right, well fine, if that's what you really want' , and then he went and sat with a girl we both know for the rest of the evening! Which hurt me! I haven't heard from him since... I just don't know what to do. Wether or not to talk it all over and resolve it all...? I feel like we need to have a good chat about everything thats happened. What do you think? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Talk to him and get some closure in the very least.
OP you know what you want, so set that out to him in plain English, you want commitment and the relationship to progress if he doesn't want the same thing (being unsure means he doesn't) then it's best if you move on.
If you want my honest opinion though OP, I wouldn't waste my time on a guy that throws a hissy fit and goes off with another girl to prove a point. He sounds like a game playing douche.
It honestly sounds like he wants a casual bit of fun and now he's pissed because you want more and he's trying to force your hand in this by making you jealous, "it's either casual or nothing" kind of thing. Trying to play your feelings.
After you said you want to be with a guy who knows what he wants, if he really wanted a relationship with you he would have sat up taken notice, he would have stepped up to the plate and made a commitment the fact he didn't and went off and acted like a child says he doesn't.
But go find that out first by talking to him.
One more piece of advice OP, if he says he doesn't know what he wants that means he doesn't want to commit to you and most likely never will. You've already played the trump card, that being the risk of losing you and his reaction was to go off with another girl. What does that tell you?
I mean the prospect of losing someone is the final card you can play it is the one that is the last ditch effort, if losing you is not enough of an incentive for him to step up nothing else will be.
Good luck, and remember it's not a good idea to keep seeing a guy waiting for him to make his mind up about your relationship, that's called being strung along and to be honest there is never any confusion when you really want to be with someone, especially if you risk losing them.
So if he's unsure then move on and find a guy who is. There are lots out there, don't waste your time on an unsure game player.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): hey.im the person who wrote the question.bit confused.maybe i should have writen the whole story!no,we havent had sex as iv wanted to wait+he has been fine with that.he was the 1 Who first askt me what i wanted in a relationship+spoke about the future+kids+marraige+then went a bit quiet on me+said he didnt know if he could commit 100%?!then i backed down a bit+he thought i wasnt interested.i just duno what to do next is all after i told him what i did..
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 The way you first start seeing a guy sets the tone for your future interactions, in large part because how you expect to be treated up front determines how he believes you deserve to be treated.By seeing him (sleeping with him?) you set the tone of the relationship as casual. He knew what he was getting, knew what he had to do to get it, and neither one involved a great deal of emotional connection. To a guy, if that's what a girl wants up front, that's all he's going to be comfortable giving.This is why it's advisable to get into a commited relationship *before* sex.Anyway, by suddenly "raising the price" on him, you've made him reevaluate how much effort the has to put into continuing to see you. It seems he does not want commitment to you. He may have been open to it if you had asked for it up front, but it's probably too late now.You can try talking to him, but putting any kind of pressure on him or getting mad will only reinforce his decision to distance himself from you. The best you could hope for is probably a clean break.
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