A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, ok, I was being an asshole and I pushed my girlfriend too far. We didn't actually have sex but it was way farther than her moral standards would have let her go. She's 3 1/2 years younger than me and lives with strict parents as an only child. We've been going out for a year or so, some of our friends introduced us. Our relationship never got more physical than making out, but I wanted more and she knew that. We went as far as oral and now her self esteem level is at about zero. She won't look anybody in the eyes and hasn't spoken to me since. If her parents find out, she'll be in trouble and I'll be in even more trouble. I'm an ass, but can/will she ever forgive me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): if you're 16 or 17, then your girlfriend is about 13 or 14, which is a really young age to have sex. She's probably feeling guilty, and she might think that if you don't have sex again you'll leave her. Even if you didn't go all the way, she may feel uncomfortable. If she's unexperienced she might think that she wasn't "good" enough, and that you didn't enjoy it. You should sit her down and calmly talk to her, reassuringly. You need to let her know that you will be there for her and won't push her boundaries until she's ready. If you want a relationship to involve sex, maybe she isn't quite old enough to be in it with you. If you feel fine waiting until she's ready, though, then just make her feel good. And sex isn't always the most fun. Try kissing, or French kissing, and make sure she's ready when you decide to take it a step further.
A
female
reader, Mymy  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Something very similar happened between myself and my boyfriend so hopefully I can offer some advice. You clearly respect your girlfriend and her wishes as you have some regret of how far you went. Judging from your age your girlfriend must be about 13, which is much too early for sex- she's underage! There will be a hundred different scenarios running through her mind- will you leave if she doesn't have sex? Will you leave if you have sex and it doesn't go well. Your best bet is to sit her down and talk to her calmly, hold her, make her feel safe- a lot of it may well be a shock to the system. My boyfriend performed oral sex on me recently and it was the first time it had ever happened to me; whilst I enjoyed it I was shivering for some time afterwards just from the shock (he's older than me by several years- but was stopped as soon as he realised I was uncomfortable) so your girlfriend may well be thinking the very same thing. Hope things work out for you both, as you're clearly concerned for her welfare.
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A
female
reader, Lucyx  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 You pushed her over the top, and into something she's not used to but she will one day speak to you. Its just because she is thinking things over, you keep trying to communicate and tell her how sorry you are. Maybe you should reassure her that you aren't goin to push her into anything she doesnt want to do again,
Take Care
x
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