A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really scared...because i just realized when i get close in a relationship i have the tendency to push him away. I am not afraid to be in love or staying committed. i just have fear of getting hurt but it looks like i am the one hurting myself. I can't seem to understand why I push somebody i love. For example my last relationship was really serious i feel in love with him the moment i saw him and when we meant it felt natural, as if we have known each other for years. but after three months i start picking at his little faults and getting frustrated with him for no reason and i kept pushing him and than i broke up with him!!! Months later i realized how much i was hurting and how i was distracting my self with shit i didn't care about and than one night it hit me i lost the one person i have ever loved enough to dream about marrying him. i guess i am just wondering if anybody else is like this? or how i could fix this because i am living in pain and i miss him now more than ever. i just don't know what to do anymore and i can't seem to let him go. i even tried to date but i just kept wishing it was him....please help! i am really scared i would do this again. i am already up to a point where nothing seems to have any meaning and nothing matters anymore....help.....thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): I feel you...I have had similar issues in my life, and have recently learned that I have some sort of "abandonment" issues, that is, I'd rather be the one to push away than to be dumped, although I just seem to be sabotaging the relationship while I'm in it. I am going to see a therapist soon, as I really feel that the man I am currently with (and attempting to push away in the interim) is my true mate. I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems getting over him. Really do some soul searching, and even try journaling. I laughed at it at first, but every single day I journal something I am thinking/feeling/hurting about, and when I go back and read it, I learn more about myself. Hope something in this answer helps you. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2009):
 First of all, stop projecting what old boyfriends did or didn't do onto your new relationships/boyfriends or you will fail at fully committing and bonding.
We are all afraid of getting hurt, but it shouldn't stop you from living life.
You might want to find a counselor or maybe a pastor at your church and talk it thru. Living in the past will make you miss the now and totally mess with your future.
Look back and learn from it. Then move forward. I know it sounds easy and it isn't, but you have to try.
Grieving an relationship is good and healthy, but you can not wallow. And don't start dating if you aren't ready. That is just not fair on the guys you go out with, nor yourself.
Chin up.
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A
male
reader, pinkey1981 +, writes (2 January 2009):
The first thing you have to realize is there is nothing worth your time unless its worth taking a risk for. Call him, write him, take the chance.Let your guard down and let people into your life. Your young and havnt quite realized how short life can be, way too short to waste opportunities at true happiness because of a fear of being hurt. Just let your guard down and when you feel like pushing him away, pull him closer. It takes trust, just allow that trust to be earned.
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