A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might sound a little weird and could be somewhat long so please bear with me and try to understand.I'm not the most confident person on earth and i have little faith in myself. As a result i tend to spend most of my time alone as i fear that people will not like me and see me as a pain in the ***. I remember once i was just walking down the street and this really pretty girl wanted to ask me for directions. I could tell because she had a sort of apprehensive smile on her face. Anyway i just stared into her eyes for two seconds and then i just carrie don walking. I think i did that because if the roles were reversed an it was i who needed directions, then she probably would've ignored me. It's also the same thing when people try to talk to me at parties i usually just give them dirty looks and end up ignoring them. Because of this, i'm usually too preoccupied with myself that i don't notice things which can be literally staring me in the face. I also feel guilty when people smile at me, especially girls because deep down i feel really ugly and undeserving.I always get the feeling that people will shut me down and ignore me if i do something as simple as ask for help so i end up Just ignoring everyone and focus only on myself.This, it think comes across to people that i maybe don't really care about them, and so they ignore me as if i don't exist.Once i wanted to go jogging with my flatmates from uni. I asked and they said yes although i got the feeling that they didn't want me there so that happened only once. I now go jogging on my own and whenever i head out they give me dirty looks as if they think i think i'm better than them, when it's actually them who rejected me and are now trying to make me feel guilty about it.Is that normal to do so. I want to live a normal life and have friends and not end up alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe title was my own suggestion. I guess i'll just have to take more chances :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I am guessing this was a DC suggested title because pretty much summarizes the problem you seem to be ignoring.You are so afraid of rejection that you make it a point to reject others premptively. Despite what you think about yourself, this is a cowardly and disrepectful thing to do. I think perhaps you are so hard on yourself, you have a hard time empathizing with other people.You were suspicious of that pretty girl for looking unsure...perhaps she appeared "unsure" because she was lost and needed help!Maybe your flatmates feel dissed because you never asked them to run with you again. Maybe that's why they look at you critically.You need to at least try to interact with people and treat them decently. You fall back on the excuse that they will reject you, but you refuse to acknowledge that YOU are rejecting them as well.Sometimes you have to be generous with yourself to get something in return.Good luck.
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reader, Illithid  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 So you're rejecting people before they have a chance to reject you. Ooooh yeah, I've been there. Problem is, if you risk rejection, you may get shot down 50% of the time... even 90%. But if you never even take that chance, you'll lose 100% of the time. I know it sucks to give women your heart to break, or give friends your time even if they might stand you up. And YES, you WILL be stood up sometimes, but not every time. You don't need to force yourself on people if it's not comfortable to be around a particular group, but do try to get out and talk to people somewhat... get used to taking small risks, so you're open to people that WANT to be your friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): It sounds like you have very low self esteem and you're a little bit paranoid.
By the way you're acting towards people, yes it's going to give them the wrong impression. I know it's hard but sometimes you need to give people a chance and even if it turns out they aren't a nice person, it doesn't matter.
You can't spend your whole life thinking the whole worlds against you because you will become more and more isolated.
I suggest looking into counselling or therapy, because it's definitely something that's affecting your life and will only get worse.
Have a chat with somebody at uni about it because i'm sure they have counsellor's there.
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