A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:I have posted on here before now. Quick background, my ex and i split 3 months ago after 3 and a half years on and off. Main cause of relationship breakdown was lack of communication, mainly my doing. days after the split, he starts a new relationship with someone else who had been sniffing round for months anyway.For the first 2 weeks, my ex and i didn't speak, but after that he told me that he'd tried to convince himself that he would never contact me again, but couldn't because he still loved me and wanted things to be different. Since then, we have spoken to each other loads and seen each other a few times aswell. He and i were talking about how things can change for the better and maybe we could get back together. So i am currently putting everything into practise, being honest with him and communticating more. I'm really trying to make him see that if we did get back together, things would be different...but during this 3 months, i have had to keep a lot of feelings to myself. I know it's not healthy to bottle stuff up so i have been writing my feelings down on paper. Last week i wrote a very lengthy letter to him basically listing all the little thing i miss about him and us. He knew i'd written this and actually said he'd like to read it. So i gave it to him at the beginning of the week. He totally forgot about it, so i reminded him this evening about it, and he said he'd read it. I said i hoped it didn't confuse him too much, but I got no reply, nothing. I have no idea what he's made of what i wrote.I could handle it if he said it either meant nothing, something or everything to him, but not knowing is awful. I'm virtually freaking out, i'm doing my best not to push him and nag for an answer, i'm telling myself that he just needs some time to process the information. Am i right to do so? To be honest, i'd rather just know instead of sitting here in tears and panicking.Hopefully i'll feel better about things after sleeping on it. I just wish i knew what was going through his head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Hi. I can completely sympathise with your situation. I am in a very similar one right now, with a woman who promised me that she would work things out with me, but though I write an email to her every day, no repsonse. Yet, she can be on FB 1am in the morning and find no time to respond. Frustrating!!
I am not going to be as unfeeling as your last respondant. I will tell you this: if you believe this man is "the one", don't give up hope. It is easy to tell someone to dump him or that you are wasting time whne the only view they have is a short description like yours. I am sure there is much more to your story. Yet, protect yourself a bit. As much as it is killing me, I decided to cut off my emails, texts, etc. right now until I get some response. I deserve that. So do you. I wrote an email to her about everything I missed about her, too. No response.
You may feel like you are drinking Drano at this point and the silence is deafening, but sometimes shutting off the availability spicket maybe what he needs to realize the good thing he could lose in you. There is risk in this. Sometimes, it does not always work that way. But I consider him lucky that he would have someone that would fight for him like you are.
Protect yourself, guard your heart, but if you really believe in what you have with him, your greatest regret is will be that you never tried. I really hope it works out for you.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 September 2010):
You're wasting your time.
Fact is, this won't work. Even if you got back together, it won't work. You're not looking at the mess this is. You're just thinking it will work out. The facts are
- He ended it and went out with someone else.
- You've been on/off for the past 3 and half years.
If it didn't work out all those time before, it won't now. It just won't. And instead of doing the sensible thing and ending contact once and for all and making a real effort to get over it, you're acting like Little Red Riding Hood walking up to the wolf's lair again. He even forgot to read the letter you sent. What does that say? You've just got to get your had out the clouds and accept this won't work out, I'm afraid. Because it won't. You get back together, guaranteed that within a year you'll be back here.
You've got to move on. Life will pass you by otherwise, and better suited men will walk past you to the next girl.
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