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male
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*imetostepup
writes: I'm 24 and have been with my girlfriend for almost six years now. On our five year anniversary of being a couple, I had planned to propose to her. I CHICKENED OUT! I don't know why....I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, she had talked to me quite a bit about marriage, so I had no good excuse not to ask. I guess I had some growing up to do myself. This past year or two has been extremely stressful. I hate my job and was spending the vast majority of my freetime trying to start a new business. I've basically had tunnel vision and couldn't focus on anything else. I was a very unhappy and depressed person and made her feel very inadequate. Our sex life had all but diminished.So anyways, this year on our anniversary (June 16th), I was planning on actually following through with my proposal. However, I have not been much happier with myself lately, so the depression would still be an issue. Then I had a fire lit under my butt.She just told me that she is starting to have serious feelings for a friend of ours. She still sees a possible future for our relationship, but she doesn't feel committed and her feelings for the other guy keep growing stronger.Almost losing her has made me realize how much I truly love her. I have used this opportunity to search my soul and realize that things are actually really good in my life. I finally feel happy with myself again, and I feel like I can make her happy again too. I would do ANYTHING for her! But now I feel like I may be too late. She's not really affectionate with me anymore and I can just tell she can't get the other guy off her mind.Please help! What can I do to make her want to be with me again!?!
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (10 May 2006):
 Sounds like due to your lack of affection in the last couple of years because of your own depression etc has pushed her away. Understandably so, but if she is really committed to you, and loves you it was something you both should have got through together.
Until something stressful happens in a relationship to either one or both of you, it is always difficult to know how the other person may react to what is happening to you. It usually does one of two things, brings you closer together, or pushes you apart.
It sounds like you maybe too late to resolve this, maybe a lack of communication at the time of your depression was to blame, I don't know. As she has feelings for someone else, it indicates that she no longer loves you. She might 'care' about you still. But I think you could be onto a one way street here. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you care and love the most. Try to let her go, if not she will continue to feel resentful, and things could get worse, not better. I appreciate you have spent a few years together and have invested time in the reltionship - that is always the hardest part to let go of. But don't see all this as a waste of time, rather see it as experience, think of what you have learnt, and the good times spent together. God bless, keep us posted! x
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