A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. I just need a bit of help guess. The other day I was walking on the train and I walked past this boy with his girlfriend and I heard him make a rather unpleasant remark about my appearance. Now I know I’m not anything special, but I’ve been trying really hard to take care of myself and was beginning to come out of my shell a bit. I’ll admit I did look bad that day, I was hot and flustered, my hair was a mess and I had no make-up on (I was going to put it on the train). To make things worse I was actually on my way for a date! Needless to say his comment really knocked the stuffing out of me. I wanted to cry. The date was a disaster. I felt so self conscience and I couldn’t stop worrying. My anxiety was the worst it had been in a very long time. Although saying that the man I had a date with actually wanted to see me again, much to my shock, it was probably a pity thing. Or because I’m ugly he thought I’d be grateful for the attention. I haven’t met with him again.But also after his remark my confidence has really plummeted. I’m due to start university in September (a prestigious fashion university) so you can imagine what the other girls are going to be like - the complete opposite of me. I feel really nervous. I’m not tall or thin, I’m probably the least fashionable person you’ll ever meet and I’m shy. I’m so worried that I’m not going to be able to make new friends and that no one is going to want anything to do with me. I’m really starting to doubt the whole thing.Sorry not really a relationship question, but hey!
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confidence, shy, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): yw.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiya! I'd really like to say a huge (if not very belated) thank you to everyone that took the time to answer my question. I guess he just caught me on a bad day (and at a certain time of month! haha so that doesn't help) and I took it to heart.
And a special little thank you to highmaintainance101 for your inspiring article - it really helped and I really appreciate it. Keep the writing up!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): HiSo sorry you came into contact with such a pea brain who has nothing better to do with their sad little life, other than poke and call other people.You however have the ability to change this! you are smart enough to know that a 'pleb' who has no inteligent words to say can not really make you go down to rock bottom, why give people like this the power over your life and destiny?Years ago when i was a teenager my boyfriend made a remark about a young woman in the street,and she heard him, now what i remember most, was she was such a happy faced person 'until' she heard this remark, I saw all the happiness and confidence drain from her once smiley face. I was heartbroken that such a simple remark ( which I have to say was not said directly to hurt her just ignorance) could have such a drastic effect. We both learnt a huge lesson about words how they can hurt or heal. You must not believe negative words,and that includes your own. You are unique and you are special and have the same right to have loving relationships as everyone else.So what if you are not trendy, this makes you more of an individual anyway, YOUR style,you wearing what YOU want, EMBRACE this uniquness and be a little creative with accessories to enhance your OWN style. Please only hang onto happy words and say happy words to yourself, and believe in yourself. We are more than clothes,and physical beauty, we are spirited enough to let nothing grind us down, especially thoughtless words from pea brains.
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A
female
reader, sameoldthing  +, writes (11 August 2013):
What you need to do is keep trying to make YOURSELF feel better. The first step is building your confidence up. If you don't feel confident enough about how you look, try to change it, but DON'T change for anyone else, change for yourself. It takes time, yes, but baby steps. If you need to, seek help, there are lots of youtube videos about it and books you can consult. Something that might help is saying affirmations to yourself everyday for example. I've been trough it and i'm still going through something similar, but keep your chin up! you are more beautiful than you think! And ignore that jerk, he was probably making himself look "cool" around his girlfriend as some of the other readers have mentioned.
You managed to get in a wonderful university and i am sure you are going to be very successful hun.
Best of luck! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): Hi there. i don't know your name but as i have promised you wrote an article for you. kindly go to article section and check it out I called it dear diary i have poor self confidence. I dedicate it for you.
Hope you enjoy reading it.
i just created it today.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): Has it occurred to you that perhaps the train boy said those things to make his girlfriend feel better? I should know. How many times did I have to trash another woman's looks just to pacify my insecure girlfriend?
Anyways, you shouldn't dwell on what others may or may not think of you. The only important opinion you should be listening to is your own and that's all that matters.
Oh and if you need help in the confident department, do remember to walk up straight (proud and tall), head at the level, and a nice genuine smile on your face. Looks are nothing nowadays. Confidence is the way to go. But be careful about coming off as arrogant. There really is too much of a good thing.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 Don't worry about what that guy said. I can guarantee you that the very person he said it to has days just as bad if not worse. We all have those days as women. That's just how it is. Don't let some idiot guy on a train affect how you feel about yourself. Be the confident you. You go to university and put what others feel and say about you aside because essentially the only opinion that matters is your own. Keep taking care of yourself and don't worry what others say, especially people who haven't met you, haven't spoken to you or don't know you. That guy saw you on an off day, i'm sure you're a knock out otherwise.Don't worry about what others think. Make sure that what you think about yourself reflects nothing but positivity.Goodluck
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): As a person with low self confidence, I can spot my fellow sufferers a mile away.Here's the thing. Everyone will have an opinion about you or your work. Not all of it will be positive. But that's ok, because guess what, no one is perfect. And no one is the best at everything. So it's ok, that you're not the tallest or skinniest or the prettiest. Most people aren't! You are perfectly normal.Start focusing on things that make you happy and fulfilled. Whatever that maybe, nurture your creative talent because no other person could replicate something that's stemmed from inside you. Do more of those things that give you fulfillment. Reflect on the things you have done well and the friends and family you have. They are there for you because you matter. Stifle that voice that keeps harping on about your shortcomings. You're not expected to be perfect. Yes it's hard but trust me, with the way you are thinking, you will become your own worst enemy by thinking you're not good enough to try out for things or not worth meeting someone special. You will limit your own potential if you let that voice rule. What that guy said was horrible, but it's a reflection of him, not you. Strive to be the best that YOU can be and then be proud of yourself.You're worth it :-)
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 I went through my teens and young adulthood feeling exactly how you are feeling. I was overweight, had pimples, and was called some really ugly names. I blossomed as I got older. I'm now in my 40s and I look better than I ever have. My class mates who used to bully me and call me names all look washed up, overweight and depressed. I smile and think to myself, "KARMA".
The emotional pain you are going through now because of someone else's cruelty will make you a stronger, more compassionate and beautiful human being. I sense you have a unique soul. You will outshine everyone, but will remain humble about it. The best is yet to come.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 I found a link that may help. It is intended to sell a book but you don't have to purchase anything to read some of the useful items there. Here's a good link for you to absorb: http://www.yourenotprettyenough.com/v2/language-to-use/
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 August 2013):
Snotty people who want to criticize and mock are out there, no doubt. You found one on the train.
Last time I checked, no one had been elected fashion and personal appearance judge for the planet. At least, I never got a ballot, so if there was an election, it was rigged.
Look, your mind is looking for stuff to feed your conviction that you aren't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough. The guy was a just a prop that day for you.
You are manufacturing your own negative thoughts, and the only way to stop doing that is to become aware of your mind's odd thinking processes. Your mind is making stuff up to keep you busy and occupied. The fact that it's negative stuff is just making it easier to feed your drama.
So, start to become aware when you begin to have those negative thoughts. Start to watch yourself have these thoughts. Take that deeper inner self, the witness, if you will, and watch that busy mind rum rampant. Once you realize that you are NOT the thought but the one watching the thoughts, you'll have a bit of an epiphany.
I recommend a book for you, ASAP, "Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer.
Read it, it's a pretty fast read really, and get back here in a week and let me know what you think. Ha.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 August 2013):
 Oh boy, do I want to go to that train station and smack that guy upside the head. And then I want to give you a hug and take you out for a stiff drink while we hate on that idiot who opened his stupid, crap-spewing mouth.
Girlfriend, we all have our off days. When I'm all done up, hair together, outfit planned, I'd say I'm a good 8. When I don't give a shit, no makeup, bloated and sweaty, hair frizzed out and outfit a trainwreck, I'd say I'm like, a 3. And that would be generous. We all have our days when we're not glowing and radiant! This is real life, not the movies where we all have a makeup crew, wardrobe and professional lighting all the time.
Screw that guy at the train station! And let's not forget - maybe he wasn't even talking about you. Were you the only woman there? Are you sure he wasn't talking about someone he had seen earlier? Regardless - forget that loser. He's got an ugly attitude if he goes around spouting off crap about others to make himself feel good. And I'd much rather have a beautiful inside and look like a leper then be gorgeous and have such a shitty personality.
Everyone gets nervous on first dates. Don't assume that this guy is going out with you again out of pity. Maybe he saw right through the nerves and saw you for the thoughtful, creative person that you are.
You go to college to learn, to go to class, to study hard, to hone a craft. Not to walk around as a fashion palate. If you are going to school for fashion, then I imagine that you'll get inspired after some time create a fashion for yourself, something that fits you and your personality and that you can really own. You don't need to look like everyone else - really fashion forward people create their own look. Unless you want to work at JC Penny's or something, the real designers are people who thought outside the box and created something unique.
Screw that guy! You should be happy with yourself because hey - you're getting dates, you got into a prestigious school, and you aren't ugly on the inside. Good luck, sweetness!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): Hello.
I am very concern about you.
This might not be a relationship question but its more important because this is about YOURSELF.
If there is someone who should love YOU or accept YOU it SHOULD BE YOU.
The comment you heard from the jerk should be disregarded.
Can you tell if his a s good looking as bradd pitt? or josh duhamel? if his not pls don't pay attention.
His just another jerk from hell.
You inspired me today. I will write an article ABOUT SELF CONFIDENCE when i get back from work. i will personally email you when I'm done.
Im doing it because your special and to me, your beautiful.
Ok? Have a good one!
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (10 August 2013):
 My mom very pretty beautiful queen always told me sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never harm you. I grew up being the unattractive but I have confidence even on bad days with or with make up and accessories. I know my value and worth. And if a person keep hating tell them kiss your azz. Thats what my mother told me too and it makes sense and it paid off. My motto so to speak is we all have potiental. Me personally and the ladies in my family dont do all that make up unless its special occasions perphaps for work and when we want to. You can use your natural beauty as we do it works.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 August 2013):
 Be who you are and try not to let others callous comments make your life a living hell.
So you are not looking like a model, neither are most girls. You had a day where you looked a little like crap, so do most girls. Bad hair day, bad skin day, bad day with cramps.. You name WE ALL HAVE THEM.
1 guy said something bad about you. 1 guy. And he said it to his GF, who know maybe to boost HER confidence? He is a shallow moron who think looks are everything. Just give him a few more year and who knows maybe he will have a beer gut and no hair, see who is pretty now? lol
As for the guy you went out on a date with, don't take it out on his what the shallow moron said. Because YOU all of a sudden had decided that some RANDOM STRANGER thought you were "ugly" you then MUST be ugly?
FUCK HIM! And his opinion!
You managed to get into a good fashion college, prestigious even - THAT was based on YOUR merits, you creative abilities, NOT your looks. Sure you will meet some shallow girls there but I BET you, you will find people who see you for your talent and the PERSON you are, not just for you face on some random night.
Make beautiful things, and every time you do something successful, think of that dude with no hair and beer gut, you know like Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances. Don't EVER let strangers hold you back. Screw em!
Chin up! And rock College!
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