A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I REALLY need advice right now. :( The situation is: I live in a residential college, with 2 of my exs (just really bad coincidence) and a new ex, who treated me less than brilliantly, and my boyfriend.So my boyfriend is a guy that had been my best mate for 7 months, I loved him to bits and trusted him with everything, and he's a genuinely nice guy, like basically, if your parents ever told you to find a nice guy, it's him. He's just getting to much to take in though. Like, I'm used to having to chase guys a little, and I always like the guy more than they like me. Now I'm with a guy that wants to be in my company constantly, complains when he isn't and I've explained to him that I really need my space, I'm a loner by choice haha. Like I'm so laid back, that if I'm with someone that I'm comfortable with I can just be so relaxed that I physically cannot be bothered to speak haha. And everyone of my friends knows this, and are fine with it, because they're laid back too. But this guy has to fill every second with talk, like if we're cuddling, he'll start asking me stupid questions, or say "lets play a game of truth" imagine this every single time you were with a guy! We've ran out of stuff to say already!!!!!! If I tell him I like to just relax, he says he understands, and then continues to talk about crap.I just feel like I can't end it, because he's my best mate, and we're getting a flat for Uni (it's been planned for ages), AND his mother died on Christmas Eve, so he's constantly saying "I have such a horrible life, and you're literally the only good thing to ever happen to me" again, and again, and again! Along with "I love you" (after two weeks!)I just... I feel awful, I complain about getting guys that aren't interested in me, then I get a good guy and I feel so overpowered by it! :( Help!
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 March 2013):
Many girls, especially your age, whether they admit/realize it or not, are typically attracted to as^hol^s. You will complain about the guy who gives you attention and is good to you, yet you will continue to stick by the guy who repeatedly treats you like s^^t. You likely will end up with what you are asking for.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 He can be a good guy but being overly clingy and needy makes him a bit annoying, eh?
"You're my best mate and my boyfriend, I hope we are close enough so that I can tell you how I'm feeling without drama. I'm feeling suffocated right now, too much togetherness. I'm feeling like all I hear is you talking. I need some quiet time. If you are feeling anxious and worried, relax a bit. Let's practice sitting together in silence for a while, okay?
"Let's come up with a code word for when one of us is doing something that is bothering the other. How about "chillax"? So when I feel annoyed by too much talking on your part, I am going to say "chillax."
"When I do the thing that bothers you, you say "chillax."
Just be clear and firm and gentle about the situation. If he's really a good guy, he'll get it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Argh... how annoying! I understand exactly how you feel! My last boyfriend (now ex - but we separated for reasons other than the talking) could just not stop talking. i think that from the moment that people are comfortable with one another, it shouldn't be a problem to enjoy silence together. Maybe his convos annoy you because you don't find what he says interesting? I basically asked my ex why he would have the need to constantly talk all the time. I guess just be straightforward and let him know that sometimes you like being in silence or also plan to have some alone time for yourself too so you can recharge your batteries so to speak.
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