A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I dont feel happy in my relationship.I often feel upset, anxious, jealous, confused. uncomfortable and pressured. I am finding it hard to concentrate on my university studies. I dont want to get up in the morning or go to work. I am also having alot of trouble sleeping and the time I am asleep I am having bad nightmares about my bf. I dont know how to deal with everything, i feel so overwhelmed. My bf wants to have sex but I dont want to yet as I have only ever slept with my ex bf and I regret it sooooo much so I promised myself that I wouldnt make the same mistake again. He keeps asking for it and I keep saying no. We havent had sex yet. Sometimes I feel presured to go further then what I want to go, like Im not really comfortable with him fingering me but ive given into him now and let him do it. He just kept puting his hands down my pants and i kept pulling them away but he was really strong and even if i could get them out he would put them back even tho i was saying no, he would then say thigns like 'come on, please u know u want to' and try to convince me to say yes. My bf drinks and he keeps asking me to have atleast one drink. I feel like he doesnt respect my choice to live a alcohol free life. My bf has been spending less time with me lately. I think its because his brother and friends are upset as he was spending alot of time (in their opinions) with me and not as much with them. Mind you, i dont think we spent that much time together, like iwould prob see him 4 days a week. Now i see him like 2 days a week.This upsets me. I see him once during the week for like 2 hours and then all night sat, and i kinda feel used cause on saturday he usualy puts pressure on me for sex. He doesnt really seem like he wants to me during the week, probably because we cant stay out late and do sexual type things.Yet to make things even more confusing, when we do hang out and just talk etc its usualy really great! We have alot of fun and he makes me smile. Its just hwen he puts pressure on me to do things i dont want to, i feel bad. Your thoughts? I am confused about how to fix this and even if it is fixable.
View related questions:
fingering, jealous, my ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Hi Hun
A text message EH!!!!!THAT BLOODY BRAVE!!!!! Oh I really feel for you, But at the same time he did you a huge favore you may not see it now but its true he was an arse to you....Id have sent back thanks soooooooooooooo much thats a weight lifted!!!!! And just left the jerk! bit out...CHEER UP SWEETPEA YOUR WORTH SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE XXXXXXXXX TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice guys. He beat me to it though. he broke up with me today :( through a text message!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghh so angry, hurt, frustrated, confused and feel used.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): You need to put yourself first, which I know is scary. You probably need to tell him exactly what is OK and what is not. It could just be that you have not been clear. Having said that he is trying to get you to drink, which could also be a sign that he is trying to weaken your resolve.
Say "I do not want to have full sex with you now. If and when I do I will tell you. Until then I will be happy to go up to a point but not further. If you don't feel OK with this you are free to go".
You could take a pencil and paper and draw a figure to show what is OK to touch/do.
The reason you are panicking is because you are starting to feel controlled. This is making you even more nervous. He is doing exactly the opposite of what he might do if really looking for your trust.
Hang on to your own needs. He may need to move on and find another girl who will have sex with him if he can't accept that you won't. If he is that shallow and pushy let him go ahead. He may be better for you later on or you may find a totally fab guy with whom you are really at ease. Being at ease if what is so obvisouly missing, plus your own courage as you seem a bit scared of causing offence. I used to be like you, I always thought of that cartoon "Peppi le Pew" not sure if that is how you spell it. The stinky French-sounding skunk cuddling up to the pretty cat saying "Come ere my darleeng" Kissy kissy. The cat with it's whiskers dropping and staring wide eyed and scared. Imagine youself as that puss, then get your teeth our and bite him off! Ha!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): It sounds like all of the pressure is really hurting you emotionally. You have to find a way to put an end to this pressure, for the sake of your health and your studies. The best thing to do is to talk to him and tell him what's going on, but you have to be firm about your wishes for the pressure to stop. If the pressure does not stop then he's not worth it! Protect yourself and don't let a guy force you to do things that you don't want to do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): SWEETHEART!!!!!!
seriously HE IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!
All this worry for what, Someone who doesnt respect your wishes and treats you like crap, Makes you feel like crap, And makes you dream crap....HE IS CRAP!!!!!!Im sorry I dont want to upset you but your doing right not letting this idiot in your pants so to speak...You need to get shot of him pronto and move on to someone who respects you hunny....Oh my all this upset for you sweetheart and you say you dont want his hands on you but he is stronger this is not good..Im sending you a link on self esteem as it sounds like your last b/f didnt help you much.....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
Hunny Ive been there with pushy men and Im telling you kick his arse out and get your self esteem back and go out there and find someone worthy of your love TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): you dont say how old you are or how long you two have been going out. it sounds like hes a user by constantly asking you and pressuring you, and the fact that you feel used just reinforces this. my advice: get rid. and fast.
...............................
A
female
reader, Silentwisher  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Hello,
I was in the same situation a few years back, it's not nice I know but I've said it befroe and I'll say it again the key to a good relationship is good communication. Tell him how you feel and how bad your first experience was. You sound as if you really like this guy and if he likes you as much as he presumingly says he does he will understand. Sex isn't everything in the relationship and try not to feel too preasured. Do not give in to him unless you are completely ready and are sure you want to take it to the next step. There's not much else to say, but to talk to him, so many relationships fail because of lack of communication, be honest you'll fell better for I assure you and if he doesn't understand hunny he's not worth it. He has to start respecting your feelings too.
I hope I've helped.
...............................
|
