A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to be 16 soon. I've known this gay friend for years now and we're really good friends. I tell him everything and vice versa. A while ago, he was really depressed because the guy he likes for a long time finally decided to tell him the truth that he isn't into guys. My friend was teased and humiliated because the guy was really harsh and in-your-face because my friend was really stubborn. Everyone started making gay jokes in front of him and I can tell he was really hurt and didn't want to go to school at all. He even told me he wanted to attempt suicide because he was so upset and couldn't sleep at all. On top of that, his parents were recently divorced because his dad cheated on his mom with the maid. I told him maybe he should try going out with girls instead because gays are so frowned upon in my school. He was slightly convinced but he told me he can't because he's not comfortable and doesn't know how to be attracted to females. So, I thought up of the stupidest and craziest thing ever. I still regret it till today. I offered to have sex with him in hopes that that will 'turn him straight.' I went to his house one night when my parents were away on a business trip. And we were both nervous because it's our first. But I thought 'hey he's my best friend why should i be worried?' WRONG. It was so awkward as I began undressing myself but I can't stop there. It was so painful because I was so tight and I couldn't stop crying but he was kind enough to stop from time to time and wiped my tears and asked if I was willing to go on. Seeing that, I went on and didn't mind that I was all swollen the next day. He called me after and told me it kind of had a little effect because he wasn't that 'heated up' when he saw the cute guys in the school.A week later, he called me up to meet at his house. That night, he kept trying to kiss me but I told him that I only had sex with him to help him. But he said he only realised he was really in love with me. I'm really surprised and creeped out at the same time and I have been trying to avoid him for the past week but he's been calling non-stop! I'm afraid my parents would find out if he starts calling to the house. What should I do?! In need of serious help :(
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male
reader, experiencedlover  +, writes (6 November 2009):
Hello my child!
I feel sorry to reply so late because i came across your post only now and that too accidentally.
Your story has moved me. I kept thinking about this for long time and decided to reply for sure.
The guy is truly in love with you. Its not because he has turned straight; but the intimacy, because of the sex, has established a very strong relation, far more than your friendship.
As soon as i fell in love i had the same effect the boy had. i.e. i did not get attracted to anyone except my lover. It was very much surprising then! I dont know in future how much sex the guy would have with you; but for sure he will love you like anything than anybody in this world could do. Moreover it is him, to whom you have lost your virginity.
On the whole it appears to me that you both are made for each other. So please accept his love and you both will have a very happy life!
God bless you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Talk to your friend. If you don't like him, that needs to be made clear. If you do like him, that needs to be make clear too. You shouldn't feel awkward around him just because you had sex. It sounds like you made a good impression. Take it as a compliment that he wants to repeat the experience. If you really don't want to have a relationship with him, that's fine, just make sure he knows. You should also know that trying to go back to being "just friends" isn't advisable. Guys perceive this as mixed signals. Maybe he'd be up for a friends with benefits type of arrangement. You really do need to talk to him, and just set things straight.
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A
female
reader, angelicbee6  +, writes (31 January 2009):
Well I have a gay brother and I know that when a person says they are gay, they definitely are. yes, there are some people that enjoy experiencing relations with both sexes however coming out of the closet isn't the easiest thing ever. it is hard for a gay individual because regardless of the support they may recieve from family and friends, the truth is society will never accept homosexuals 100 percent. As a friend, I would have done differently because he cannot change his feelings nor who he is. But the past is the past and now you have confused him more. He probably was ashamed but knew who he was before you guys had sex. Now he is totally lost because he's fallen in love with you and seen a side of you he's never seen. I understand you were trying to be a good friend and I know youre intentions were sweet. You are a very brave and loyal friend because you sacrificed your virginity for him. I don't think I would ever have the courage to do that. However now you are in an awkward position and you don't want to hurt his feelings and jeopardize your friendship.
I would suggest having a long talk with your gay friend and speak kindly. Because I know from living with my brother, they are very sensitive and frustrated people. But forgive his feelings towards you and explain to him that he shouldn't feel like he has to change. you accpet him for what he already is. Tell him your intentions for the other night clearly and help him to understand you have no feelings for him, romantically. but you hope your friendship won't be broken over this mistake or misunderstanding and start over fresh. just let him feel accepted, regardless of what those jerks in school say or do. Be there when he needs you and you shoudn't be creeped. it is only normal for him to feel differently about you now. Hopefully after your conversation, your friend understands you and respects you. i remember when I was little and my brother was in high school my sister dealt with her friends making fun of him and so did my brother. But she helped him get through it and didn;t try to change who he was.
Good luck!!! :)
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (31 January 2009):
If you don't want a relationship with him then you ought to just tell him so.You are only 16 so you're not expected to handle this like an adult, but if you let him know that nothing else can happen then both parties will be a lot happier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, lilly123  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 I think he wonts to use you to fit in and who better to do that with than your best friend. You need to sit him down and have a serious talk and help him understand that there is nothing wrong with being gay and yes there are somepeople that will have a problem with it but who cares what they think.There are somethings that we carnt change no matter how much we wont to an if keeps pretending to be straight he is going to be even more unhappy than he is now. Your in a horrible position because you dont want to hurt him but you need to tell him the truth and he needs to really listen and accept who he is. I hope this helped and i hope it all works out, let us no how it turns out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Um yeah, a confused teenager with raging hormones can think he's gay --key word Confused! (If he doesn't have a male mentor in his life to guide him.) Feelings come and go with the wind--that doesn't mean he should label himself for the rest of his life!He Obviously was turned on by you, but you need to tell him you were trying to help him, but want to remain friends. You need time to sort your feelings out, and so does he. Ask him if there are any other girls he would like to spend more time with.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (31 January 2009):
 If he is "gay" you Can Not turn him straight.example : if you have sex with a girl.. does that mean you'll magicly turn in to a raving lesbian?... noThe guy is confused and desperately trying to fit in. You need to sit down with him and explain that being gay and loving men is perfectly fine and natural.. however in high school its going to be a rough ride.
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