A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. he is 7 year older, our relationship started fast within a month he moved in and after 6 months bought a house. We have been through a lot, his divorce, custody battle (his previous marriage) and him being unemployed for 15 months after buying out house, there has also been some drug dependency issues. We both strayed a bit over the years, however he ended up getting someone else pregnant (never went through with it) despite all this we worked things out.this past june he came home told me it was done, he did not want a commitment and did not want a family with me, wanted the party life. Very hurtful things were said by him. I moved out 2months later he begged me back, wants to get married and have a family, realized what he lost. I did move home in september, however i am not feeling the love in me that i have had before for him, i am in someways disgusted by him and I feel resentful for everything we have been through. I am 29 and know it would damage his son for me to leave again. He has tried hard to turn over a new leaf and is making the effort to give me everything he thinks i need. Truth is i am no longer sexually attracted to him either. I do not know if i should tough it out or do I leave and how would I do that without destroying him?..thank you.
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male
reader, The Pokemon Trainer  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Hi, there, my friend. This is a very disheartening situation, and you have my sympathies.
You must do what is best for you. Why? Because no matter what you do, at this point down the road, you are gonna cause him some pain no matter what. You have no real reason to stay with him. He fails to make you feel good, and you aren't sexually attracted to him. And chances are, if you aren't sexually attracted to him, you aren't having much if any sex. If a man cannot make you fee happy and free, you will contuinue to have resentment towards him, especially if you aren't even sexually fulfilled by him. In short, he has failed you as a man. The son is a sad case, but you aren't really obliged to be good to the son, in my opinion. You could talk to the son, and reassure him of your positive feelings for him, but gracefully and gently make him understand that you must leave. And make no mistake; YOU MUST.
So how can you minimize his pain? Break it off as soon as possible. By waiting, you are leading him on and instilling more security in him that he has you, the breaking of which would likely cause more pain. Be as gentle as possible, but don't break when this guy starts to crawl and beg, which I'm almost sure he will. If a guy crawls and begs you to stay, he's trying to control you and that's bullshit.
The only way you know for sure if a man loves you 100 percent is if he gives you the feeling that completely free to do whatever you want. This is also the only way that you will be completely free of resentment of him.
Best wishes, and best of luck (to you both).
A
female
reader, rebecca197819  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Hi,
When your with someone for any length of time it’s hard to call it a day without hurting either one of you, some people just grow apart I was a previous ex before I met my husband who done pretty much the same thing to me I gave him chance after chance, I moved out came back home, but what I did realise is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink, over time you have given your heart time and time again, now you’re feeling that your no longer attracted to him anymore but don’t want to hurt him, my advice to you would be the same advice given to me, be honest sit down and talk explain you don’t feel the same as you have both grown over the years in different ways try to agree to remain friends and move on your 29 not 59.
Hope this helps
Rebecca
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): when dealing with men the direct approach is best.
We tend to take suttle as a maybe instead of a no. And will try to get you back.
lets face facts: You want to be married, settle down and raise a family of your own. You have also put up with a lot of guff from him so you can have this.
He on the other hand clearly wants the party life. you know in your heart that he may try to play house with you but will eventually end up back doing that with goodness knows who.
So ofcourse you dont want him anymore. Just move out and tell him its over and let him and you get on with your lives
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