A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I don't know what to do anymore. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. We were high school sweethearts but recently I cheated on him. I don't know how it happened or why it happened. I didn't sleep with another man but I let him touch me and I enjoyed it thus I consider this cheating. The man was a complete stranger that I had just met and it was all surreal. I have been miserable ever since though (its been 5 months). I never told my boyfriend what happened but every time I am around him I feel just empty inside. He is still the amazingly perfect man I first met and I feel so guilty that I feel nothing. I don't understand if the reason I feel nothing is because I cheated on him and I just shut down after it emotionally because I am ashamed or because this incident caused me to fall out of love with him. I can't stand the idea of not having him in my life but could this be out of comfort in my relationship situation for the past 5 years? I just don't know what to do to help me feel something again. I want to make it work so badly. Should I tell him what happened? I'm sure everyone is wondering how I let myself cheat in the first place if I loved him so much and I suppose I should be straightforward about how I haven't been able to orgasm with him since the first year we were together. I get aroused by him when we are apart but when we are together everything seems so different. We are best friends and I am tired of looking at him and knowing that I hurt him. Someone please help me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Thank you for your help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): are you in contact with this stranger you cheated with?
if you feel empty and cannot love your bf, then you need to stop being selfish and allow him to find true love. it will be hard but you need to release him. for himself and for yourself.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 I'm going to answer this assuming that the cheating incident was consensual. If it wasn't then my answer would be very different.
Going by the age range, you were maybe 15 when you started going with your boyfriend? That five years includes a lot of growing up. You probably aren't the same person who fell in love with him five years ago, and maybe you're getting a message from your subconscious that it's no longer the right relationship for you. For whatever reason your sexual needs are not being met and haven't been for some time, yet it sounds like your communication was fine at least until the incident five months ago.
Dating in your teen years is intended for you to learn about yourself as much as anything. Because we change so much it's unusual for high school romances to last forever. And getting so serious so soon can lead to unhealthy outcomes -- feeling like you cheated, and feeling guilty about a committment to a relationship that may have run its course.
You should first be brutally honest with yourself about where you want the relationship to go with your boyfriend. The way it is now is obviously no good. If you want to make it work, then you need to be honest with him about what happened and more importantly why it happened. That entails the risk that he may not be able to accept it and will end it himself.
If you decide that you need to move on, it would be a nice courtesy to explain to him what's going on, just so he's not left wondering.
I understand that this has to be a very trying time for you. You need to take care of yourself, and do what's best for you.
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