A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some advice...I just recently divorced my husband of 2 years. Because of that and some other reasons I moved to another city to start my life all over. This is a city where I've had lived before and have some friends. The thing is I'm kind of seeing this guy, which I met 7 years ago but nothing happened then, and we lost contact on and off through all those years... and now he knows I'm no longer married and lived in the same city as him...and at the beginning he said he wanted to be my friend but he flirted since the second time I spoke to him... And the truth is I've always had this feeling and attraction for him, and by now he has told me he has this big attraction to me...the problem is... He has a girlfriend and has had her for years... I don't know much about his relationship... They are the same age and I'm 5 years younger... When we started talking he behaved nice and liked to talked to me, and we've seen each other a couple of times and we've kissed all of the times..now we don't talk a lot but he's had some details with me that confused me... I've always known he had a relationship going on but all of this years I've thought about him and always wanted to be with him that it's very hard for me just not to see him again although I feel awful when I think he's with her =(... I don't know anything anymore... I never thought I'd be in this situation and I hate it =(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
If you want him the best thing to do is limit the physical connection and get to know him as a friend, then emotionally. When you have embedded yourself in someones mind it goes a long way. She is not his wife, if you feel like years later you will be kicking yourself for not trying then go ahead and go for it. But remember, see him as a friend because that is the best foundation for a relationship. Do not tell him that though. Do not be stuck in the "buddy" role and do not call him names like buddy, homie, etc. The goal is to really know him inside and open yourself for him to know you, create an emotional bond. He is not MARRIED and the fact is, people date and have relationships to figure out who they want to marry. Society views this situation as terrible but it happens everyday all day. If he lets you in then that is his choice. Be prepared that it may not go anywhere, but at least you tried.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Ok first off you cant kiss him again he is someone elses man and its really not fair on his girlfriend. You need to ask him what he wants but no physical contact until he has finished with his girlfriend explain to him that you dont want to be the other women so he has to chose now wether he stays with his girlfriend or breaks up with her and see how things go with you. If he doesnt break up with his girlfriend then no matter how hard it is stay away from him because he will only be using you, and am sure you can do better than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): You just divorced your hb and now you are on the prowl for another man.
This other man has had his gf for years but you have not spared a thought for her. Committed relationships or marriage equals fedility and no cheating allowed. Instead of chosing to cheat and continue being the Other woman here, out stealing someone elses man, try being alone for a while.
Learn to respect relationships and also boundaries.
Just bec he is not married to his gf does not give u a right to run around with him. In fact he has been with his gf for longer than you have been married.
Do not trample on his Gfs life. If he doesn't want his gf he musat be man enough to tell her before she finds out anyway.
Stay away from him. If yoiu choose to continue being second best then that is up to you.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): newly widowed and newly divorced woman often get showered with attention. Somehow the men think the woman will be grateful with the attention. He should make a decision to end it with you, or end it with his girlfriend. But he is a Cad if he thinks he can keep two women hanging on a thread, until he decides what he wants. The man is being selfish, all because his ego enjoys it. Would you like him to cheat on you if the situation was reversed? No, of course not. He needs to make a decision. He may not be married to his girlfriend, but he's been with her a while. That's been his commitment to her. Now he's attempting to cheat on his girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Hey there!
I think it may be wise here to respect his relationship and keep out so that you avoid any risk of anything bad happening between you two. Especially when us humans have these feelings involved things can get tangled. After all, you moved to a new city (which I commend btw) so that you can start over. Getting involved could potentially ruin that clean start and besides you just moved...so give the fellas there a chance :)
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