A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a very sexually active 25 year old female. I have been having sex on and off for about 7 years. I have noticed that i NEVER orgasm with sexual intercourse, but when i masturbate manually with my own fingers inside, i can orgasm in less than 10 mins. Why is that so? SO CONFUSED.
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male
reader, guaranteed  +, writes (13 June 2008):
What quite a few people do not realise is that men and women are different. They have similarities but they are also unique. These differences are not the same degree for everyone so each individual needs slightly different consideration. A basic understanding is needed and then a person needs to be explored. Please bare this in mind when I give answers as no-one should be stereotyped.
Men get more sexual stimulation from visual images than women do. Women also get aroused by visual stimulation but not as much. Women get stimulated by touch to a greater degree than men but men also are stimulated by touch but not as much either.
The mind plays a massive part in sex. Memory, experiences, sound, thoughts, language and your association with these effect sexual responses. Our development of sexuality begins in childhood in our relationships with parents and siblings. It is also effect by experiences at an early age with relatives and friends, or anyone who influenced our lives.
You have been given lots of information about technique but have you thought about how you feel and what you think about that is different in sex compared to when you masturbate?
If you feel comfortable with a partner why not masturbate with him and then let him join in. You can then teach him to help you to masturbate and then he can figure it out. He can use his fingers inside you. He can experiment.
Maybe there is an emotional block of some kind. Think about it some more.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I wish to belong to the .1% club... Tisha! LOL! That's the percentage of women who can have a orgasm just by nipple stimulation alone! I would never leave the house, except to go jogging. How on earth would that work? Jog - then hold on to a park bench for the first one - Jog - then lean on a lamp post for the second one... ROLF!
If you have read all of the answers below they are all pointing you in the right direction. Most women, 75%, don't cum by penetration and need their clitoris stimulated at the same time, either by their partner or themselves OR, they orgasm by receiving oral sex. SO, you are in the normal range, and you are probably about normal in the time range as well if you are between 5 to 10 minutes. We aren't quite as fast as men!
I'm just wondering where your head is at...
You need to be intimate enough with your partner to "let yourself go". Cumming and making the funny face in front of a total stranger that you "want to look your best around" doesn't work well towards achieving orgasms. A lot of the time, being hung up on the orgasm, being self-conscious, being with a new partner and more concerned about them than yourself, that intense skin tingling when you are ga-ga over someone is so pleasurable that it's hard to relax and get your head around the business at hand, which is climaxing. You need to concentrate your thoughts on your own orgasm, and be in the moment. Don't get distracted by his pretty mouth, or whether or not you look good upside down. FOCUS. This is hard to do with someone that you don't know intimately. If you don't know each other well enough to fart in front of each other, then you probably shouldn't be sleeping with the person - LOL! You have to be comfortable enough with that person to make the funny cum face in front of each other. There, I said it. It's an intimate act, and for the most part, for women, it requires intimacy.
Good Luck on your Quest and have fun practicing. Don't forget, practice safe sex!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 In less then 10 minutes?
That ain't a record breaker, that is in fact very slow indeed.
Men and women don't differ all that much in how much time they need to orgasm from masturbation, we are talking a couple of minutes. If you need a full 10 then either you are doing something very wrong, you are including a lot of foreplay or you have a problem.
I also wonder what you call sexual intercourse. All intercourse is sexual after all. Are you talking "sex" or actual penetration that doesn't do it for you?
That is fairly common, a lot of positions just don't stimulate the clit enough during penetration and if you need 10 minute of direct stimulation with your fingers then you are not going to get what you need during penetration especially if he doesn't last long enough (for your needs) and neither of you uses additional stimulation.
Can he satisfy you with his fingers/mouth? If he can't even with your help/instructions then it might be you just ain't in the mood. Orgasm don't happen when you are stressed or nervous.
Some women masturbate during intercourse to give themselves the extra stimulation they need. There are special vibrators you can use, you either wear them and they press against your clit or in the form of cock rings. They ain't called sex aids for nothing. Go shop around and see if they might give you what you need.
You know you can orgasm. If it ain't nerves when you are with someone else preventing an orgasm the only real explenation is that the sex act with a partner doesn't give you what you need. So find what you need and do that when you are with your partner.
If the entire problem is that the penetration part of sex ain't enough for you, then welcome to humanity kid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Wow...I wish I could do that! ha I don't think I have either w/intercourse....oral sex definitely. Different positions might help you also. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): A considerate lover could bring you to orgasm with his tongue if he beats you to it.
Also, depending on what position you are using, you could use your fingers to help you during sex.
Both work nicely for us.
You must also be prepared to communicate. Being a silent lover is fine, but you must be able to tell him what your needs are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): For me there have been TWO reasons why I can't orgasm.
ONE is that the guy just doesn't do it for me...Some guys do not stimulate me AT ALL. There might be intellectual chemistry but not much physical chemistry. And then other guys make me orgasm in seconds. Don't know why. I guess it depends on the level of our physical chemistry.
The OTHER reason is that he comes too quickly...The last guy I dated made me SO aroused, but he would come so fast that I never had time to orgasm...
In my opinion, it sounds to me like you probably just haven't met a guy who REALLY turns you on. Cause when you do, it doesn't take much. They nearly kiss you and might slightly put there body against yours and your pretty much done :) Its true...Its amazing!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Tisha-1 nailed it again. But I emphasize that there are a growing number of men out here beginning to understand and appreciate the exquisite pleasure of satisfying a woman - and how to do it.
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A
female
reader, illiduh +, writes (10 June 2008):
its probably because you know how to do it right yourself and no one else knows your body like you do. and maybe the guys you do it with suck. have you tried masturbating while having sex because there is 3 or 4 different orgasms and thats one of them. watch a film online called "how to eat pussy" and it shows how to play with it in defferent ways and stuff and i always say if you dont know the answer.... google it. i hope this helped a little, i used to be really sexually active so i know some trics. lol.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Also, you say you're very sexually active. I'm not sure if this means with one partner or many partners, but perhaps you haven't met the right partner yet. If you find a guy who knows how to turn you on, it might be good to let him gradually learn about your body and mould himself to your responses. New partners always means starting from zero again.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (10 June 2008):
Yes, this is a common problem.
I'm a little intrigued, though, the usual thing is "I can't orgasm through vaginal intercourse but I can through clitoral stimulation". In your case, it seems that you're perfectly capable of reaching orgasm through vaginal stimulation -- just not penile stimulation!
It seems that he needs to look at more than penile thrusting as a way to make you come. How is his oral technique? With a bit of good tongue action in the vaginal opening beforehand, could he bring you closer to an orgasm that could be "tipped" by intercourse?
What about his penile action? What part of the vagina is giving you the orgasms? Is it the entrance area? The G-spot? Could he try shallower strokes, deeper strokes, whatever strokes that are needed to stimulate you the right way? These are just suggestions. I'm well aware that this is not an easy thing, but a little experimentation might help.
Finally, don't let it upset you! As long as you are both loving sex (which is not just intercourse or orgasm), there's no need to make orgasm through intercourse into the Holy Grail. There are so many other things to enjoy! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Well i orgasmed only with my exhusband of 14 years. After were not together, i have not with any other man. However, with my new partner what i do is i have a small vibrater its the size of a finger. He enters me missionary style but he is upright not totally on top of me to give me space to put the vibrator on. I use the vibrator on my clitoris while he goes in and out of me, and in minutes i have an orgasm. Sometimes it takes a bit longer but its getting better. Some men are weary about this what they don't know is that they think their girlfriends have mega orgasms when in truth, they mostly fake it LOL!!! u can get a little vibrator online or in a sex store, us it alone first and then with the partner, make it fun!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Welcome to the 75% club of women who do not orgasm through sexual intercourse alone. You're simply normal, that's all.
Use what you know about your body's response to help you orgasm during intercourse, but do not worry about it if you aren't able to do this. You're simply normal.
You know your body best, so it's natural that you can bring yourself to orgasm. The best advice I can give you is to show your partner what you like, and if you've got a good one, he'll be very happy to know it!
Don't forget, safe sex!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): maybe u just havnt been with anyone who is good in bed yet? or u havnt been wiv anyone who has listened to what you tell them about how to turn u on, maybe they only care about turning themself on,,,?
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