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female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My life is in deep trouble. I live with a guy 10 years now. We have no romanic relation. We bought a house together as a partnership. He says i am his girlfriend. We act like married people. I don't go out and he does not either. My problem is 5 years ago I meet this guy at work. We became friend and then an affair. I love this man with all my heart. He's a bit older than I am. I am in my 40's and he is in his 50's. He has lived with this woman for 20 yrs. They never got married. A week ago she got a phone call telling her to ask about a woman. They gave no name. She went to digging and found alot of text to someone,who she does not know who to. She confronted him when he got home from work. He called me and told me it was bad. I thankfullly never got a call to my house by anyone but have had a very bad week. Not knowing what is going to happen. She is leaving him because he would not tell her who it was. He said it was just a friend. I feel so torn about all of this. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted to be loved and he did that. He ask her to stay but she refused. So where does all this leave me. He says he wants to protect me and maybe it will be o.k. He is so hurt but says if she wants to go let her go. Where does that leave me and him. I am going crazy with guilt, hurt, and need him more than ever. And the man I live with doesn't have a clue. He is very wrapped up in his own world as usually. And yes I have tried to talk him and make our relationship work and end this with the other man, but he would not talk about feelings. How am I going to live with breaking up his home and am I going to lose him after all this has happen. I can not bear to lose this man. He is a good man. I am a good person who would never want to hurt anyone. Very tender hearted and caring.I know it was wrong but I just could not bring my self to end it. I cared too much for him. Now look what I have done. Help.....Where do I go from here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiono.k. you all were right. She left him, he was just sick the whole time. Said he did not know what was going to happen. I stood beside him, waiting only being his friend. Yesterday she came back. I talked to him, and he said he was sorry. we could still be friends, that they had a history together and he was sorry he hurt her. I told him we had to cut all ties. He did not agree but knew if he wants to make this work with them, he has to. I am so hurt, lonely, sad, feel guity, and that I wish I was not such a fool. I loved him with all my heart. I know I have to move on but right now I am just devestated. My heart is broken. I know he belongs to her. I feel bad for hurting her. But I am hurt to. He said he cares for me and thats he's sorry. I just wonder if he will leave me alone. He said he might run into me and just talk sometimes. I just feel like we need to cut all ties. I am hurting so bad I can hardly stand it. I have call to get into counciling. It be a week before I can get in. I do not know if this will help. But I do know this is one of the hardess things I have ever done is to let go. I just want to run to him and beg. But I know it would not do anygood. I guess thats what I get in the end. How do you let go. How do you cope with the hurt, anger, guilt of hurting someone else for your own selfess reasons. I am not happy about the affair. I just wanted to be loved, and he did that. He thought I did no wronge. Made me have self-confidence in my self. Now how do i find that in my self when I feel reject and hurt and guiltly for what I have done to all of us. PLease help. I need advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. Gives me a lot to think about. What ever happens I know I have to live with my self. I guess I know deep down that he choses her. I know I need to go my own way. But after 5 yrs, thats little easier said than done. Thank you for understanding and not judgeing me.
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reader, bitterblue  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Your affair will probably be forgiven by his wife if he goes about it the right way. Then you will need to decide if you wish to work on your own relationship. I can understand how the lack of romance led you here but am not sure the situation at home is so helpless, many couples just don't know how to go about solving their problems effectively and with the right tools. Your relationships aren't all lovey dovey but pretty comfortable after all, aren't they, so after a life together, 20 years in his case, why give the bird in hand for the one on the fence? Especially if the partner is close to perfect except for this and that little details another can provide.5 years is a lot of time to sneak around though. Can you even trust each other knowing you can be so double faceted? Because if you can, in the end neither of you is married and you could do what it takes to be together, if you were sure of what you wanted. But that seems unlikely. How about clueing your partner out of "his world"? Of course you can as well continue your affair and live in distress. You know best what works for you and you can do it openly and not hide anymore.You will also need to actually forgive yourself for your choices to be able to focus on making better choices from now on. Best wishes.
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