A
female
age
30-35,
*ellow913
writes:Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we are very inlove, happy, and compatible for each other. However,one day in Jan of this year he sat me down and told me very sincerely that he loves me very much and I make him so happy, but he has been struggling with something for years that he has never told anyone. He told me that he has become increasingly curious about the male sex and is attracted to some men. Because of this "path not taken" he thought it would only be fair to me if we broke up and could once and for all sort out his feelings. The break only lasted 2 days and then we got back together with the philosophy of "If you make me happy then no mater what gender I'm with it shouldn't matter." So things were going great and in April he even hinted towards an engagement! Then, just 2 weeks ago he brought up his biggest worry. He said that he has no doubts about marrying me...the only doubt he has rests in himself, and that is years down the road his curiosity of the male sex will take the best of him and he would cheat on me. We are now contemplating what to do and are going to see a couples counselor next week. On one hand, I know that inorder for him to truly committ to me he needs to sort out these feelings (that he says he wishes he didn't have). But on the other hand, how am I supposed to let him go and explore, knowing that just 2 months ago we were serious about marriage? He seems to think the only answer is to take a break and just stay best friends, but I wish there was a way to still be together, yet allow him explore and find the answers he needs without causing problems in our relationship. I'm torn....how would you handle the situation? Is breaking up the only way he will figure things out?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): This is happening to me after 32 years of marriage to the absolute love of my life.
Hard as it is for you now, the heartbreak of your 30-year soulmate telling you he is interested in men in unfathomable.
I'm trying to spare another human being this pain for which there are no words: Let him go figure it out.
And then be prepared that even if he decides to stay, you'll never be able to truly trust him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I've said this before, and I'll say it again... If the doubt even comes up ONCE, then its not worth it. If you or he cannot trust his faithfulness wholeheartedly, then why trust at all? Marriage is an assurance, a promise, and when it's broken, it hurts. And I don't know you personally, but I would hate for you to go through with this and end up hurt. And enabling him to explore while still together? BIG NO-NO. He'll keep the mindset that you are willing to let him play around, and he'll take advantage of it in the future.
So I say you sit down and tell him that he needs a little more than just two days to explore his inner self and decide what he really wants, you, or another man. Give it a couple months, and then he can know for sure what's right for him. I promise you, this is the most painless route to take.
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