A
female
age
30-35,
*bii_Whitlock
writes:Okay, I'll start at the beginning.My father cheated on my mother for almost 2 years when me and my brother where 2. He then left her for the woman he cheated on her with. She was completely heart broken, understandably. We're now 17. He's still with her. (Me and my brother don't get along with her now that we found out what he did. She's done some pretty mad things to us. - Cut my brothers break on his moped...hidden things around the house. Come in screaming after drinking out...She's never properly physically hurt us. Just, thrown stuff at me or pulled me hair or gabbed my wrist.Could this have effected my ability to trust people?) but now my mother has found someone else, who is brilliant.He's wounderful to her and us. He treats us like his children although, never tried to be our father. Neither my father or my mother's boyfriend show their emotions very much. I find it difficult to trust.... well, anyone. I don't trust my friends completely. As awful as it sounds, I see my family as passing aquaintances, just people i live with. I don't trust them. I don't feel comfortable showing my emotions. Although I've been sad, I havn't cried in years. I don't see the point. It doesn't acomplish anything. I can't become intimate with someone, because i don't trust them enough. Is this just me or is it because of what my father did? I'm not looking to blame anyone, just to understand why it's so difficult for me to trust people, when my brother finds it so easy. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (30 May 2010):
break ups affect everyone differently and yes I would say this has obviously affected you because of your dads betrayal to your mother.
This wasn't a matter of simply splitting up, this was an affair and he broke your mums trust and you have seen what that can do to someone.
I hope one day you will find someone who you feel you can whole heartedly trust. lots of people have long happy relationships and I know lots of people who come homes where their parents have always been together and always will be.
I am a true believer that if you treat people how you want to be treated then they will treat you the same. If you want a relationship with someone you can trust then you already know what type of man you are looking for.
I have friends who chase the bad boys and want mr womaniser because they like to think they can change him and make him settle down with them because they are the one and then they wonder how they get hurst when another girl comes along and does the same to him.
I like stability and someone I can trust, it takes me a while to finally trust someone and I dont chase people who think they are gods gift because i know I will get hurt.
You will be the same, one day hopefully you will find someone you like, who in time you make them earn your trust and slowly you will realise that once you have met that person you can trust wholeheartedly it will open you up to a whole new world of emotion and although the feeling of love and trust and excitedness is wonderfull it will always be followed by some hurt but its well worth it.
also its good to let a friend in, even if it is just one. because you need to vent a little and let things out. friends i find a lot harder to choose and trust but, there will be one which earns your trust and you feel you can talk to in confidence.
I hope things work out for you and I hope you have a wonderful life and dont let yours be lead by your fathers mistakes.
I would also try to have as little as possible to do with his new girlfriend, she sounds insane. treat her how she treats you, if she grabs your hair you grab hers, or simply have her done for assault.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Inspite of your background you should not blindly trust anybody anyway. Only trust those you get to know well... this takes time. I can tell you that my family story is the exact opposite from yours and that I also have trouble trusting people. In order to get intimate with someone you should first become friends anyway. Although this is not a popular approach these days (esp. among young people ) as someone who is older and more experienced (28), trust me, it is the way to go. Otherwise you could get hurt not only physcially (STD's etc), but also emotionally. This can harden you and after a while you will not be able to love at all (or express this love through sex).
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