A
female
age
30-35,
*indingme67
writes:Okay, so a year or so ago I dated this guy for about 5 months. We were young and he broke up with me because I couldn't get along with his friends, and he couldn't get along with mine. We are older now and recently started talking again. We brought up all the "sexual" stuff we used to do and started talking about doing it again. I had a boyfriend at the time, but he told me he wouldn't tell anyone and I could stay with my boyfriend without anyone knowing about our "secret" relationship. He told me that he kinda likes me and would be all for a friends with benefits thing, but a relationship probably would never happen.I never ended up cheating on my boyfriend, we broke up because he wasn't what I was looking for. Ultimately, I started talking to this guy, call him "joe" everyday after school. He told me he likes me and now when I bring up a relationship, he just says "hmm I don't know, we'll see." This all confuses me because when I sign online, he ims me right away and he spends so much time looking at my myspace pics. Also, he reads my comments and got a little upset when this other guy left me a comment with his number telling me to call him. There was this other guy as well who was telling people he wanted to get with me and joe says "please please please don't go out with him" which made me smile, but then he butchered it by saying "it'll ruin your reputation." Could he have meant something a little more? He also tells me how he sees me at lunch and how pretty I look that day. When I do see him at lunch, he gets this big smile and mouths "hi."However, I really don't know how to go about my relationship with this guy. We have yet to actually "do" anything, but I am so afraid to beacause i'm already attached. I told him that I won't have sex with him unless we have have a relationship and he only seemed a little upset. Also, we were talking about when we went out and he said that I meant the world to him. Then he paused and said "you will always mean a lot to me though." He also says that anything that ever happens between us will always end as a good thing, but I'm not sure how much I can believe him. Would you?I don't see how he could be using me when he spends plenty of time talking to me and he knows I won't sleep with him unless we have a realationship. Also, why would he be mad at other guys for saying i'm hot and liking me. If Joe was only using me for oral sex and such, why would he care what I do with other guys?He knows that I broke up with my boyfriend, but he hasn't mentioned anything about a relationship. My friends say he wants to wait and get to see me more before he talks about it with me. What do you thnk?I want some truthful advice as to what you think I should do about Joe. *Is he using me?*Is he developing feelings for me as well?*What should I say to get him to consider a realionship?P.S.---- I was hoping someone could tell me how I should go about mentioning a relationship with Joe. please don't just say to tell him I want a relationship, I need to know some powerful suggestions to make him interested in the idea.thanks so much
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 A relationship slowly develops over time .
You may tell him that you want a relationship but how do you expect him to just jump into a relationship when he does not really know much about you?
You need to get to know more about each other to develop a relationship.
By just simply saying those words that you want to hear from him, 'I want a relationship with you .'That is like the magical key to having sex with you.
That is why he gave you a non committal answer. He will take one step at a time and then decide where to turn or walk straight on.
He himself does not know how the relationship will go.This is a game for two people.
He cannot decide by himself as you are in the same boat and you both need to know where you are heading. You both cannot row in the opposite directions.
You can be friends with him , give him more opportunities and let nature takes it's course.
He is being jealous with the other guys for vying with your attentions.
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