A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I will be filing a divorce petition soon and need some guidance for child visit arrangements on what people normally do. My ex stays 4 hours train journey from me and kids (we have 2 children 10 and 5). For the moment just to get away from him I had agreed that if he comes to my town to visit kids he could stay at mine for 2 days/month and likewise if I took kids over to his town he would arrange me a hotel etc for 2 days/month. It's been a year now and we managed somehow he came over for 3-4 times in the year and it was rather awkward for me to have him around my place. Anyway I want to make proper agreement when I file so need Advise on what may be some options. I want that he can contact on face time as he likes but for visits that have to be mutually agreed at half terms where I can drop them to him And he can drop them back so one way each (or is that too generous) and for longer breaks like summer and winter he must have them for 2 weeks each time unless he wants them for longer..would something like this work? Anyone with any experience or idea I would really like some guidance please.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 May 2014):
 To be honest I think dragging children that age on a 4 hr journey is too much just for a weekend.
I would go for time in the holidays, summer is a long break and easter is 2 weeks, so him having them half the holidays is a better option.They can always Skype or phone in between
If he wants to see them at the weekend during term time then he should come to your town, make plans to stop somewhere.Not with you.
If his family are close by maybe he could stop with them?
Its good he wants to see them and that your getting it formally sorted. But over time as the children grow up, expand their social life, it will all change naturally. You may meet somebody and your Ex, so you have to be ready for this too, but not yet
Good Luck
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 May 2014):
 Its good to get everything sorted and written down. Some families opt for alternate special days as well, like Mother's Day and Father's Day so kids can visit with their grandparents.
Alternate weekends usually work until the kids get older and have extra weekend activities.
Make sure if they are invited to birthday parties and the like the parent who has the child is okay with purchasing the present and any other costs associated with the child attending. They are also responsible for getting the child to and from their social outings, but if geography intervenes, the parents should be able to negotiate.
Two weeks during longer school breaks seems generous, think about special day as well, like birthdays and Christmas. If granny is getting on in years the alternate parent may need to understand if a family gathering is planned on their weekend, a swap or other arrangements may need to be made.
Having your ex sleep in your house is not a good idea, I'd think about changing that as well.
If you have a lawyer or mediator they should be able to ensure the arrangements are fair and equitable.
Good luck, I hope it all goes relatively painlessly for all concerned.
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