A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have known this woman for a few years as our kids attend the same pre-school and school.During pre-school this woman would never give me the time of day or even acknowledge me ( I didnt really care ) Then 2 years later our children started school together so we have mutual friends but she will only speak to me if its a forced situation with mutual friends around, other than that she avoids me at all lengths at school, shops etc. I have tried several times to make conversation etc. and then she is fine but its all one sided.The other day I crossed the road right in front of her, she saw me but kept walking, a little while later she saw me again at the shops and turned her head the other way. She pretends she does not see me at all. You get the point, I just assumed we will never be friends and thats it.What has upset me is after the other day and being ignored by her twice. My family and I were shopping again later that day and we saw this woman again.When this woman sees me out with my husand she is totally nice as can be, like my best friend! and this is what she did, tried to make an attempt when she saw us together to which I just couldnt be bothered and keep on doing my shopping but my husband waved to her.Then last night my husband comes home to tell me this woman walked into school with him yesterday and was asking him what "my" problem was with her....he told her she should speak to me....and she should have.Apparently now she is going to confront me for not stopping to talk to her the other day.Just want to know how to handle it. She is the one always avoiding me but tells my husband it was me. I just want to scream at her although not a clever idea.She also has marriage issues and she is looking around for another man (usually being very friendly with the fathers at school)so I dont like her talking to my husband about me and trying to cause an issue.How can I tell her tactfully that firstly she is the one who always ignores me and secondly going to my husband about me is not on?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): thanks for the replies, good answers and will take all on board. Thank you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Sorry to be so suspicious but the whole thing sounds very fishy to me. The first thing that came into my in mind is there must be something going on between her and your husband. It sounds as if she dislikes you. And not just the "two different types of people so we won't mesh well" kind of dislike. More like the, "Oh there's that damn woman again, quick, run" kind of dislike. Like she has something to hide, if that made any sense. And within my paranoid mind, I would assume it's because she's jealous of something about me. Like, perhaps who I'm married to. I'd say this if I were you because on top of her strange behavior while we are alone, she goes and changes it up and becomes super friendly while in the presence of my husband. Hmm...? I would ask my husband just how well he knows this woman and if he wouldn't mind- "never talking to her again because she's a shit-stirring, manipulative slag who disrespects me and kisses your ass." And because I'm also very immature, I would be a royal bitch to her every chance I got. But none of this is good advice, of course. It's just me opinion on your post. I just hope it's not really an affair like it sounds. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Whatever you do, do not ever scream at her because that will just amount to giving her too much importance. She doesn't sound like someone you would really want to be friends with so how do you even care? I dont even think she's going to confront you or anything, she just said that to save face in front of your husband and to look like the babe in the woods in front of him. I'm not hinting that she's interested in him, she's just more pally with the men and will be much more pleasant and a completely different person around them, than with the ladies.
Look OP, its her problem, not yours. Why do you even care? You've tried being nice to her, she doesn't respond, just let it be.If your husband asks, just tell him whatever you've told us here, and if this woman ever does have the cheek to confront you and ask what the problem is, just smile politely and say, "I'm sorry, where did you get that from? I have absolutely no problem with you. And if you think there is a problem, I would appreciate it if you could speak to me directly, rather than getting the message across through my husband."
No anger, no irritation, nothing. Just be calm and assertive. That's the way to deal with such people. Just behave like she doesn't matter to you in the least, which is true actually. Don't ever react to such people. That is the best way to handle such situations
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): She sounds like a predator looking for another man!
You say she has marriage issues, so the fact she ignores you when you're both alone, or speaks to you only if mutual friends are around but then acts all friendly when your husband is present with you, and also then goes and ask HIM what is up with you when he is alone, when she is the one avoiding or ignoring you, sounds like a manipulative woman to me!
Your husband handled the situation wonderfully by telling her to speak to you if there is a problem! Encourage him to keep doing that, and to not entertain anything with her because she appears to have a split personality.
This is not junior high where she can confront you for not speaking to her, etc. She has done it to you countless times, and you have decided friendship is not in the cards. Now she decides to take it a notch higher, and approaches your husband alone, instead of addressing it with you.
I would say you are not accountable to her! Don't shout, don't get into a confrontation, don't take on this negative energy! Don't waste any more time on her. Instead, focus on your husband and children, on yourself and being happy :) Don't let her shake your day!
Have a comfortable mature conversation with your husband about how she appears to have two sides, and despite your having tried to reach out to her in the past it was always one-sided and her current actions show she is manipulative and you would rather not have her become an issue/come between you. You don't have to justify your actions. Don't allow this to become a "he said, she said" situation with your husband in the middle. Tell him you are grateful for how he handled it, and to keep doing that. i.e. any time she approaches him, to keep saying: all roads lead to his wife :) anything she asks him, he must say: "ask my wife". He must be a dead end wall. That way, she won't achieve her ultimate goal, if that is her intention.
There is no easy way to do it. I would ignore it. Only address it with your husband. Then ONLY if she comes and confronts you, or approaches you, then let her say her say. Then share with her how your perception has been in the past (that for 2+ years you tried to create a friendship but this was not forthcoming from her side) and that numerous times it appears she hasn't noticed you! You can also play "dumb" by asking WHEN you ignored her? and feigning that you had been so deep in thought you hadn't noticed? Apologise and keep it very superficial and move on. Don't allow her to NOW want a friendship because right now her reasons are far from pure! Also tell her you would appreciate it if in future when she has any issues, to address it to you directly and not trouble your busy husband who complained about her asking him ;-) which he felt was so childish ;-) There are lots of ways to play this.
Now go on and enjoy your husband and children, and forget Miss with Marriage Issues ;-)
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