A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. It feels like we are settling into a "comfort zone" of sorts. Not in a bad way, I don't think, but I just want to get advice on if what's been happening are good signs that the relationship is indeed heading where I want it to (long term, marriage, etc)... Are comfort zones a sign that things are going well? Don't get me wrong- our relationship is definitely not stagnant. We have lots of fun, great sex, etc. Are comfort zones a good sign though?We spend the night together fairly often (at least 2 nights a week, usually). Most mornings, he sends me a good morning text (although, lately I've noticed that these aren't quite as frequent, and sometimes later in the day versus 6am). Sometimes this worries me, like he's not thinking about me. Or does he just feel like we're comfortable now and I shouldn't need the same reassurance every single day?We've met each other's moms on several occasions. He's met my son (who lives with me) several times, but I have not yet met his 5 year old daughter (who visits once every month or so- she's lives on the other side of the state). Sometimes, I feel like, "when is he going to introduce me to her?" Like, he must not be serious about us if he doesn't introduce me to her....? Should I bring this up, or just let him do it in his own time? How long is too long to wait for an introduction??He mentions the future, often speaking in terms of "we". (I assume this is a very good sign). I don't know... I guess I need some feedback or some reassurance that we are in a good place?? I'm 29 years old, but have experienced so many dysfunctional relationships that I feel kind of lost. This one actually feels good and healthy and functional and happy...not quite sure how to handle it! Sometimes I overthink things, like I'm expecting for something to be wrong and I'm not really finding anything. Tips? Advice? Reassurance? Comments? Anything would be fantastic and extremely helpful. Thank you!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your thoughtful words. I think I just need to hear someone else say what my heart keeps telling me! I really and truly appreciate you taking the time to say all that you did. You've helped knock some sense into me and helped me realize that things are good, and that I'm in a great place with my relationship. Again, an emphatic thank you!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, congratulations on the 6 months. I believe I can reassure you that everything sounds great from what you have shared. So enjoy this "good relationship" for the blessing that it is.
Yes, once the romance/honeymoon phase of a relationship goes by, we get into the reality phase where couples learn more about themselves and each other in situations they haven’t faced together before. Some of what they encounter may not be congruent with their pre-existing assumptions and expectations and may be conflictual. Some feelings of disappointment, aloneness and other reactions are normal. (http://www.stayhitched.com/stages.htm)
What are the things you have shared that makes me think all is well:
*) You have lots of fun
*) Great sex
*) Spend the night together fairly often
*) Regular morning messages/at different times
*) Met each other's moms
*) He has met your son
*) He mentions the future
It's normal to worry, and overthink things, especially when we have it good :)
If he only sends a message later, does not mean he isn't thinking about you, he is just picking the right time that suits him/you. Isn't it better to receive a message when he chooses to send it, instead of DAILY AT 6AM without fail, which just becomes routine?
He has introduced you to his mom - an adult who will give much more important input about you, than his daughter ever could. Yes, his daughter is also a very important part of his life, and will become part of yours too in the future, however, there is no rush to this. She is out of state and only visits once every month or so - this sounds like a good enough reason. If you had not met anybody from his family, then you could have some doubts, but you have met his mom, so rest easy he is serious in these 6 months onwards. I think don't be anxious about it, and don't put a time limit on it. Continue to be his best girl, supporting and encouraging him in everything, as he will do for you, and in time I'm sure he will want to introduce the little part (his daughter) of him, to his precious girl (his partner) :)
You've got it great, things sound wonderful, and keep it up! I would encourage you to keep communication lines open, and request for additional attention/affection for times when you feel insecure, which is natural to most of us.
It was great to read your post! Wishing you continued happiness, and an introduction in the near future to his little girl :)
Best Wishes
xxxx E
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