A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I can't seem to stop contacting my ex! Any tips?I was with him for 3 years and he turned out to be verbally and emotionally abusive that recently escalated into physical abuse on more than one occasion. We had a condo together and he still owes me money from it which I'm getting back from him in small payments but what bugs me is he is hanging out with a 46 year old female co-worker (he's 27) who sleeps in our bed together and they "cuddle" and go for dinners. I recently found this out when he told me she told him he is ok and a good person (without her knowing my side) and am so furious i want them both fired! He escalated his abuse because she told him he was a good person and I'm not! She also supplies him with weed! Illegal and at her age?? Ew!However, it has put so much stress on me and I'm so sick all the time but I can't seem to break contact. I feel the need to text him or check up on him and when I hear about them it sickens me all over again. He has ruined my self confidence from all the abuse so I can't seem to make it on my own and my friends deserted me. What do I do??
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co-worker, confidence, emotionally abusive, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 Why are you contacting him? What’s the reason?
Why does who he hangs out with bug you? Why is the age an issue?
It’s not YOUR bed.. you moved out right? It’s HIS bed… what he does in HIS bed (he’s your ex after all ) is NOT your concern.
You could offer to buy the bed from him so he’s not sleeping with her in YOUR bed but rather HIS bed…
You want them both FIRED? From where? Why do you have any say in where they work or what they do outside of work?
He abused YOU because of her? How is that possible?
I love the “at her age” 46 honey is so young…. So very young… and the whole issue of “weed” being for the young… who do you think figured it out for you guys in the first place?
Why is what your EX doing stressing you out? How does it affect YOU?
Why do you have to CHECK ON HIM?
Have you contacted a reputable therapist for some counseling? I think that it’s a good idea…
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): No offence bubblygirl but you sound just as weird and emotionally unstable as him. You don't sound very bubbly to me.
You've escaped his abuse and yet you're still crazy obsessed with him, you want to get them both fired, you think she's some kind of devil queen for having a smoke of a joint here and there and for some reason you can't even maintain your friendships.
You should really consider counselling bubblygirl.
We can make all the suggestions we want but you know what you have to do, we can explain this situation all you want but you know what's going on.
You need to seek professional help. Something is not right in your head that you seem to want to and are successfully sabotaging your life.
Good luck bubblygirl, life does get better than this but you need to go find a professional who can help you get there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): Don't let their relationship bug you, as another said, his true colors will come out to her sooner or later and then she will realize what an a'hole he really is.
The last thing you want to do is get back involved with an abusive sicko like him, be thankful he's actually moved on and hasn't become one of them psycho stalkers that hound you.
You're getting back the money he owes you, albeit in small doses, but its better than not at all. Just focus on the priorities and forget about him and the past, he's bad news.
All that matters now is you and your future, you don't want or need to be treated like that again.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 Hi
He has moved on and his new woman is only seeing his good side, his true colours will come out eventually.
The only way you will get stronger is to throw out your phone and get a new one. Do not keep his number or give him yours. Then start worrying about YOU and your future, not them,build new friendships,start a fresh life,new pastimes,anything that fills your time and makes you look forward.Change your hair,buy new clothes.
You two were NOT working together,it was volatile,the ending of it all was the right thing.
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