A
female
age
30-35,
*MYK
writes:Hello. I'm not doing so well. My life doesn't seem to be getting better. And I really need some advice.I been though physical and sexual abuse when I was younger, and It's been making me feel depressed all the time. I know people say I need to get over the past, but that's really hard for me. I've been in and out of the hospital for trying to hurt myself, because I keep thinking "I deserve this."I used to live with my sister, but she kicked me out. She's make me lose it. And she lied to the police telling them she didn't know why I got like this. But she knew.I stayed in the hospital for a bit, but she didn't want to take be back in, so they dropped me off at a shelter. The shelter wasn't the best, but I really though I would be able to start my life over, but I kept having meltdowns. But I did my best to hid how I felt.I was in a special area of the shelter, because I was on medication and I came from the hospital. I was able to find a job and I was really happy. This was going to be my first job. And I was really happy and excited for starting. I never though I would ever get excepted. But of course, nothing good stays for long. The area I was in didn't want me to work at all really. They said I should depend on my SSI check because I am not "well". I told her "my personal problems should not avoid me from getting a Job. I'm not disable, and I refuse to stay here and do nothing all day. I did enough of that in the hospital." And of course, she didn't like that. So she threatened to kick me out of the shelter. How wonderful.Because I was in the hospital before the shelter, the didn't allow me to have my cellphone-- nothing really. No pencils no nothing. So when I got outside, I was able to actually to contact people.I was really scared about being stuck to live on the street, so I called people asking if I could stay with them. But, nobody I called would answer. Until I got to one number. My Ex. And me allowed me to stay with him. The bad thing about this is he's my ex, but most of all, my new job. He lives in florida, so I would have to move. I told my boss about the situation, and he said he understood. And wished me luck.The next day he bought me a ticket, and I flew down there. He picked me up, and it seemed everything was okay. I would be able to start over.I've been here for 3 months, and it went for the worse. He has tried to touch me, and almost tried to rape me. Now he just getting mad at me for not "smiling". "you make the house negative." "When I come from work, I don't feel like coming home"-- because of me. Because I 'm so used to looking so sad.I've been having some problems, and been having freak outs. Nothing new. But like, I have really bad freak outs when I see bugs. And he's a HUGE slob. So there are A LOT. And I've been picking at myself, I dunno, to guess to trying to get "invisible" bugs off. And I dunno, that's sorta the beginning of a freak out, but Lately, I only just got to that. Before I was A LOT worse. I would Claw at myself and cry and try to wash them off. I've been really improving. But you know what he does? He makes fun of me and teases me. And it makes me feel horrible. And he doesn't care. Cause this is MY fault.He's been slamming stuff around, and yelling at me because I won't tell him what's wrong. Because I'm scared of him and being here. My phone has died completely, and I dunno what to do. It won't even charge. I don't have any money or a job. And I want a Job, but I'm not getting accepted.I wanted to hurry and get a job so I can hurry up and get out of here. I'm so scared here. and I called my sister to see if I could just stay with her for a bit, but like, she's being a jerk. Whatever. It would probably go horrible if I try to go back.I really dunno what to do.I really just wanna put this all behind me. I have a boyfriend in another area, and he's wonderful. He's trying his best to help me by telling me everything will work out at the end. They will get what they will deserve for treating me bad. He's so wonderful, and I wanna move near him. He's been the only really helping me at all. He's going through tough stuff over near him too, and he wants to just start over too.It will be quite a while before I can move over there, so right now, I need something that will help me for now. If anyone could give me some advice, that would be great! I just really want to do something to get out of here as soon as possible. The area I am in now, the rent is really low. I was thinking maybe if I just got a temporary place for now now, I could get myself together. And with out this slob in my face all the time, I will be able to not have as many freak outs.Also, I know this is weird to ask, but how can I make myself more likely to get a job? In tampa, maybe it's just here, my EX keeps telling me to wear anything to an interview, they don't care. I know in NY, they would care a lot if you didn't come in with work attire like clothes.I'm very honest when it comes to answering questions about job stuff. I don't think my ability is the best, but i would love to learn more so I can get better. Of course there are never answers like that to choose from. it's either "I don't think my ability is good" or "I'm the best darn worker you'll ever see!". I really don't want to lie, so I pick the first answer. But I always have something positive in mind about it. But I forget that they can't read my mind when they are going over it. So I get emails saying "Looking for better candidates."Please help so I can start my life over and start living a happy and better life. Thank you.
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depressed, money, my boss, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TMYK +, writes (29 September 2011):
TMYK is verified as being by the original poster of the question @ C. Grant:Thank you SO MUCH! I will try to add more positive things about myself.Also, I've been the therapy. But none of them seemed to help. They thought I came there because "i didn't want to do my chores." The lady actually asked me if I'm upset because I don't wanna do chores. It made me really upset. Then when I told he 20% of what was wrong, she kinda gave me this look. And then it was just "Just meditate". That doesn't work. AT ALL. What does help me though, is writing it out. I'm not good at explaining things at all verbally. But I'm improving. But I'm way better at it when I write/type it.Also! Thank your for telling me about Crisis Center! I'm glad I will be able to talk to someone whenever when I'm really down. Thank you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): It sounds as though you are caught in a situation that is difficult because you want to be independent but are finding it hard due to your past abuse and being hospitalised and medicated. In this "inbetween" situation, you are still very vulnerable. It sounds like you don't, yet, have the appropriate support networks and/or professional care and help for you to be able to get off on the best start. The first task really is to try to get these in place.It also sounds as though, if you do have some troubles with your mental health, maybe other people are finding this difficult to be around - people that you call don't want to know, your ex is trying to further abuse you and your sister seems to have had enough. For this, I suggest that you get more professional help, maybe you could join a support group so that you can get more used to how to interract with people in a healthy way for everyone concerned?Regarding the job and home situation, I'm not sure that you are ready to be in a job, although I understand that you really, really want to be independent. When you say that you have been very honest in your applications and that you took your ex's advice that it doesn't matter what you wear to interviews, these kind of things indicate that you are not "self aware" about how you are coming across and are instead very naively trying to do what you think is right - this is really very good of you in one way, but it is not really the way that people get jobs, as most people "talk up" themselves rather than be brutally honest as you have been. Is there an organisation where you can do voluntary work for a while and claim benefits meanwhile? Many voluntary placements have 'perks' like free lunches and so on and this would allow you to gain more awareness of what it is like to work in a job. Maybe you can claim benefits for a place of your own meanwhile? The situation with your ex sounds awful and not good for you - both he himself and the living conditions are not positive things in your life, so you need to move away. But to do this it really sounds like you need someone to help you to make the intial move properly so that it doesn't all go wrong again - maybe try the organisation that C.Grant suggested and take things from there.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 You are right to think that getting a job and a place of your own are the right first steps. Your attitude about honesty is commendable, but in job interviews there are shades of the truth. Most people have doubts about themselves, but no one who is so brutally honest gets the job. Instead of saying your ability isn't great, say that you're willing to learn, you're always striving to improve, doing the best job you're able to do is very important to you. Always think of something positive to say. No one walks into an interview with 100% of the skills needed for the job, but a "can do" attitude can convince them you're worth teaching.
It's almost impossible to dress too well for an interview. Regardless of what the guy told you, wearing sweats and flip-flops shows a lack of respect in Tampa or anywhere. If possible scope out the place before the interview and see what people wear to work. Dress a bit more nicely than that for your interview.
You've had a lot of tough stuff in your past that you need to come to terms with. Appropriate counselling will help you do that. Have you spoken to the Crisis Centre of Tampa Bay? http://www.crisiscenter.com/
Good luck.
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