| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm guaranteed a job if I take these classes. I'm desperate for good money because I am very indebted and living with my parents at 34. I'm definitely taking the classes and I already paid for the registration of the course. In the next four weeks I'll get a certification that will enhance my degrees and make me more marketable professionaly speaking. I could pay for the course ($325) myself with my credit card but my mother is offering to pay for it. Should I accept it? My mother and family are codependents and they cannot distinguish between my life and theirs (I hate it) Something that happens a lot in dysfunctional families. Sometime ago she said she feels my professional success (college degree) is hers too because "she helped me". Excuse me but I'm the one who is indebted with more than 37K because I paid for my college degree with student loans, not her. Also, at the beginning I didn't told her about my intentions to get that degree and she never knew about it (I did it all privately) Now it's all thanks to her? I don't want her to think my next success is hers too, but cannot pay for the course if it's not by credit card. I'm tempted to take the money but at the same time I don't want her feeling she helped me succeed in life at my age. I need to prove I don't need my family and never have to thank them for anything else. What should I do?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Sometimes on this site people who have never been in a certain situation find it harder to answer questions they cant really relate to, and that could perhaps be why you never got so many replies, I understand how hard it is to take money from family when you don’t to, pride is a horrible thing sometimes and sometimes its our best friend, but you need to understand, that your mother can only treat you like you owe her the world if you allow her to, she didn’t get you where you are today, you know that so stop allowing her to think that , perhaps have a little chat with your mom, explain to her that she didn’t get you were you are today, thank her for the help with cash and so forth, but make it clear that you made it thus far on your own and you would appreciate it if she could rather tell you that she is proud of you instead of trying to rob you from something you got all on your own. How far has your mother gotten with her education? If you don’t mind me asking?? Not saying anything nasty I just think she might be trying to take advantage of what you got coz perhaps she didn’t….So I guess asking your mom is out of the Question, then pay for it using your credit card, get a personal loan if you can, or even go to the institution and ask them if you could pay the amount of, sometimes (or at least in SA) I know that they could accept that, if they don’t have any reason to believe that you wont pay them back. You need to look around every corner for a solution.I really hope that someone else will also give their insight on your question as I think it does deserve an answer, again I wish you good luck on this
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): I'm the original poster of this question and this is NOT a trivial question. This is a valid question that should have gotten lots of more answers. Soemtimes pride is stronger than debt. Sometimes even when you repay a favor people still treat you like you owe them. Got it? I don't expect any more answers though. But needed to make that clear in case someone else reads this someday.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Dear, this is a bit of a tough one…. Your mother is offering to pay take the goddamn money go an do your course and pay her back, I know what it feel like when you don’t want to take something from a family member, but at this point its your only option, just take the cash and pay her back with your very first payment, perhaps speak to her and tell her that you will pay the cash back as soon as you get your first pay cheque.I wish you all the best with this, and I may it work out the way you would like it, do let me know what happens
...............................
|
