A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't get my ex out of my head. She split up with me almost a year and 4 months ago, and I still think about her every day. I worry I'll never find and love another one like her. What can I do to stop dwelling over my break up for good?? Anything I've tried so far (going out with friends more often, distract yourself with something you enjoy, ect), only works temporarily. I need to move on with my life, because I see no future with her. Please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Hi, Some of our relationships get us like that. I often think of a particular past partner on an almost daily basis, even now and 6 years have past. Its not in a bitter or even a lustful way, he is just in my thoughts from time to time....I dont think thats unhealthy.
You do need to move forward though, theres no point in dwelling on the past or thinking about what the future might have been.
You need to focus you energy on something else - the key to this is 'living in the now', the past has gone, you have to let that go, focus on youself as a person, really think about who you are, what you stand for and whats important to you. Find a final goal such as what career you are aiming for or what possessions you hope to have in 20 years time - go back to the 'now', where are you in terms of these aspirations?
Okay now dont look to far into the future, thats unecessary, you only need to know what your aiming for. what do you want from tomorrow or next week? Right now we are moving forward...day by day. If all you want of tomorrow is to be up at 6 for a jog and have all your jobs done but to be in bed for 10, thats what will get you through the day.
Seriously try it....living in the now is a serious culture shock, it made me realise that I was missing all the great things happening right now, because I was looking too far ahead or too far behind. Give it a go, hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Angel102307  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Ive had this same problem last year. I was dating a guy who broke up with me about 2 years later. It was taking me forever to get over him. I did about the same things you did.
But, here is something that really helped me!
One night, the song i shared with him came on. As it played i cried and was upset because i missed him so much. But, than i looked in the mirror and stared hard. I told myself that i couldnt let this keep me from meeting someone else. He wasn't the one and there is someone out there for me.
When the song was over. I felt more relieved.
To this day it worked. It sounds cheesy but hey it can help.
I hope everything works out well for you!.
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A
male
reader, Transcowboy +, writes (10 March 2008):
 There is no magic pill you can take to forget someone you cared about. No matter what your friends do or say. It is just going to take time. It might take u months or years. In the end you will never completely forget about her. She will always be a part of your life. Move on, keep looking. Just dont ever forget the lessons you learned from her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Your going through a heartbreak right now but I can promise it only gets better. We all go through this usally several times in life so dont be so upset. she just was not the one. Hey thats ok thier is other fish in the sea and one day you will be saying to yourself boy I was silly to let her get me so upset. She's the one who lost a good thing.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 You need to forgive her and focus on the present.
Think more positively.
Focus your mind on your aspirations in life.
What is it you want in life?
Whenever her name comes up , focus on your priorities.
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A
female
reader, little_laura0 +, writes (10 March 2008):
i'm sorry to hear your still going through this after all this time. i've been there too. my advice is to try and accept its over. in your heart of hearts realise what you had is gone. it will probably hurt facing it but it should lesson as time goes on.i suspect your focusing on all the happy times and good points about her, if so STOP IT NOW! it wont be doing you any favours, u will be convincing your self that it's a bigger loss than it is. try writing a list of all the bad points about your ex and all the bad times. it may seem short at first but it will grow and every time you find your self thinking about her, look at the list.i would also suggest dating again. it will be hard at first, trust me i know, but it really does help. it builds your confedence up and it is fun alot of the time. you soon begin to like or even love different things about people you meet.Also, have you tried picking up a new hobby where you can meet new people e.g. karate. it's a great thing to do. i will keep your mind off, even temporarily but it's a great way to meet people who share a similar interest. it will also give you something else to think aboutduring the day.You won't find what you and your ex had, as every relationship is different, but i promise you, you will feel happiness and excitement again, but with someone else, it will be just as good, but different. your very young. you will probably always love her in your own way, which wouldn't be a bad and unhealthy thing. it just takes time.i really hope you sort things and that this helps.good luck and chin up!! xx
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