A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a married man for five years, he is 17 yrs older than me, and im just 25. He has told me several times, he wants to be with me and have a family, and makes me promise me I will never leave him. However, lately I feel like i need to move on with my life, I do love him, and he says he loves me. I just need someone's advice on how to end this relationship, I know its he is not for me, but its just so difficult to do..
View related questions:
married man, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): i know exactly how you feel. unfortunately the only way to do it is by telling him how you feel, that you want to break the relationship. it will hurt you a lot, you will mourn as if a loved one died, because this is exactly what happens in matters of the heart. give yourself permission to cry all you need. find a friend who will understand your pain and walk w you along this painful path. please know that eventually the pain will start to wear off, the healing will begin and one day you will be ok again. be good to yourself during that time. dont punish yourself. no one has a right to point fingers at you for loving someone. if anything, this experience teaches us to be more humble and understanding of others. hope this helps. i'll pray for you...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Was he so great, times were wonderful, really exciting...at first? But then after the attachment grew & you needed more of him- he just wasn't there for you? It got old & you felt resentful...right? He'll probably string you along for as long as you let him. And think about his wife. Don't think about all the bad things he's said about her think about what she must have been like for him to fall in love with her all those years ago when they were young, like you are now. He probably charished her then just like he would to you now but he obviously looses sight of whats right & saw fit to betray her with you instead of loving her for the last five years. She might even be a lot like you? And as long as he's using you as a "spare", you are also running the risk of total humiliation, among many other things. You will regret ever glancing at the man if you're ever caught. If she's crazy, you'll soon know first hand how crazy she really is. Or if she's not the type to try to run you over, over & over- then she may be the saddest person you'll ever have to see & you'll know you're 1 of the 2 reasons why this woman's an emotional mess- for years to come. But that is really the least of your problems. One of the biggest if you ask me is: His kids. If he doesn't have any, nevermind. But if there are kids involved- watch out! They will not ever, never ever like you. Maybe once in a while they will let do somethinhg for them without them mean mugging you the whole time but other than that- you're screwed. If their mom hates you- they hate you. And she'll hate the living crap out of you for eternity. Maybe, if she's like most women on earth. Also another thing to consider before you decide it's too hard to ditch the man (who has no respect for women & doesn't think of them as deserving of someones honor, faithfulness or respect...or appearantly he doesn't.): You may not realize this yet- but you just wasted- WASTED!- the last five years of your life with a part-time fanasy man. He's already got you to sit & mildew around him , on the outskirts of a real life- watching from afar, him living his daily life in the realworld only to steal brief moments away with you. You missed out on sharing all the natural things most people experience in their early twenties with someone you can grow with. You can't do that with a person who only needs you occationally. So basicly, you're totally guilty of enabling him to disrespecting & take a shit on his wife. Being exposed will haunt you for a very long time, in one shape or form for sure- unless you have no conscience or are shameless. Any children spell years of constant battle with & about them. And all signs point directly to you being his next victim if he ever does leave his wife. So I hope I paint an ugly picture because it's not pretty. You really should rid this man from your life. The pain- regret-doubt- only last so long. Not anywhere near the five years you just lost. Don't delay because you fear the agony of leaving him. It's a hurt well worth it in the end. Move on & live a real life. And someday, apologize to his wife. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): This guy isn't going to leave his wife..think about it...if things were that bad between him and his wife, he would have left already right? I mean, you have guys that have a wonderful wife at home and they will leave her for someone esle--so what this guy is telling you doesn't make sense. It appears as though he is using you and stringing you along. It will be hard for you to let go of him b/c you have grown to love and care about him so much. Nevertheless you have a choice to make.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 What about simply telling him that you don't want to be a mistress anymore ? His marital status is not a minor detail.
I understand perfectly that breaking a marriage is a difficult and painful decision - but 5 years are enough to take it and if he did not yet, there are not many chances he'll do it in future.
You are only 25 and you deserve someone that you do not have to share.
...............................
|
