A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I posted the question about meeting a girl for the first time and coming out about using fake pictures. I finally came clean and turns out, it didnt end so well. She infact loved the pictures she saw not so much the person or my heart. I figured this out by telling her this and she never responded back. I knew it was true then. It hurts because I am a wonderful person, and my heart never changed and the fact that I could've cheated or done anything, as long as I looked like the girl in the picture hurts. How do I deal with this pain? How do I move on?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2011):
 It seems to me you are upset about her falling for the image YOU represented. I'm sure it was a combo of the phot andyour personality that she was attracted to. However, I understand her fully. If you would decieve someone about your looks (knowing that it will come out sooner or later) what else did you lie about? Or will lie about? To get what you want?
Take it as a learning experience. Be honest about who you are, and how you look. If people can't see past a picture, they are not for you.
Own your mistake. Don't do it again and get back out there.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 How did she came clean about it- if you said she never responded ?!
I agree with idoneitagain, I think a big turn off, as it would be for anybody,not just this girl, was per se the fact that you used fake pics, it gives the idea a) that you are insecure and feel you are not good enough the way you are, which is an instant turn off and b) that you are scheming and devious, and not adverse to lie to get what you want. Big red flags.
But, even if like you say she was mostly attracted to the fake pics, what's wrong with that ? In most relationships physical attraction is a starting point, from where with luck and time you can build up a deeper connection and create a bond. But,in luck of physical attraction, the relationship won't even lift from ground. We are made of body AND mind and it's absolutely normal that we look for a partner who can satisfy both.
You can start moving on by realizing the part and responsibility that you had in this setback, first, frankly, if you are the kind of person who lies so blatantly about herself, maybe you are NOT so wonderful, or at least she is entitled to think so ; second, realize that your expectations were unrealistic, a pure ,spiritual love that transcends totally any attraction is a good thing for a friendship , but not for a love relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno she claim clean about it, that majority of it was physical attraction.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 June 2011):
Your assumption that she liked the pictures, and not the person you are, is not necessarily accurate. The reason is that the person you are is also different from the person you represented online.
What I mean is, in real life you may be a wonderful person, with a wonderful heart. However, by using different pictures, you didn't only represent a person who looks different, you also represented someone who doesn't tell the truth about themselves. I know this may not be what you are like in real life, but using fake photos represents a deception, someone who is not being 100% truthful. She may have chosen not to respond because she decided she couldn't trust you. This might not have anything to do with the person you are, or the heart you have. She may have had a sense of the person and heart that you are which she liked, but she may also have had the sense that she could't trust you, and decided not to take the risk.
Having said that, when we engage in online socialising, it is not the same as getting to know a person in real life. We have to judge, based on limited information, and pictures of people are often given a lot of weight in those judgements. People judge us on the way we look in real life, but we get much more opportunity through real life contact to let our character shine through. This is more difficult in online communication, so these kinds of reactions are not uncommon. People reject other's online because we can't express the fullness of who we are online. Therefore, don't take a rejection of you online the same as a rejection of you. You are much more than your online representation, and she does not know that fully.
Dealing with loss and the sadness of things not working out the way we want them to is an important part of life. This is one of those instances. If you are sad, then be sad, but be aware of the rest of life moving forward. As one thing falls away, another thing takes its place. Eventually, you can let this go and focus your love and attention on something or someone new. Don't forget to focus it on yourself at the same time too.
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