A
female
 ,
*talie
writes:I am really jealous and insecure with my partner and I dont know why. He has never really given me any reason to be but we have lived together for 1.5 years and i've gotten myself into a rut of checking his phone/emails/internet. I know it's not right and not normal but I find it hard to stop. In the 1.5 years I havent found anything suspicious but the feelings are still there.The problem is that he has always had a lot of female friends and says he makes friends easier with females than males. I've known that since the beginning of the relationship but now he has a new 'friend'(the first since he moved in with me) and I'm scared it's going to lead to something else. They text each other about 10 times last night and he says it was just a conversation because they were bored and if it was with a male friend I wouldnt have an issue, which is true.I know I cant change him but how do I learn to stop being so suspicious and jealous. Its driving both of us crazy.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): This may sound insignificant but just repeating to yourself SEVERAL times a day "I am not jealous" and thinking I don't want to be that girl will help. If you repeat something enough eventually your mind begins to believe it. You just have to be willing to try. I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (21 February 2006):
 I am exactly like you and share your problems!!! I am obsessively suspicious about my boyfriend and check his phone and email all the time! It's pathetic, I know, but I can't help it!!!I was not insecure at all until I found messages from another girl on my ex's phone. Since then, I seem to be taking this out on my new boyfriend who has never given me a reason to doubt him at all. Maybe someone has betrayed your trust in the past? If this is true, you might need some professional help to get past this and move on. I am looking into this at present, as this is causing major problems between me and my new partner. If he has never made you doubt him, this is unfair on both of you. I know it's hard to stop, and it's obviously just part of our personalities but you need to work together to get past this. Seek professional help and support each other through whatever you decide to do. Good luck
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