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female
,
anonymous
writes: I was involved in a love triangle with D and J. J was my first love and we've been together for 4 years. Then I met D, and fell head over heels for him because I felt sexy, confident and I can be myself but unfortunately the relationship deteriorated and only lasted 4 months because I didn't get the respect, love and understanding I wanted like before. D was a total opposite of J. I was starting to forget about D. When J knew that I broke up with D he immediately started to win back my heart! He even purposely came all the way just to celebrate my birthday and valentines day. He desperately wanted me back even after I told him I still wasn't ready for a relationship. He adores me like a goddess. He's a very nice guy and his actions were extremely romantic and very caring but instead I felt smothered and irritated by him and his actions. I told him that I've changed and grown emotionally and could never go back to what we were in the past. But he wouldn't listen! J is still studying and I'm working. I don't want to distrupt his studies and his life and I feel guilty for not returning his love. People may say that J is suitable for me and that I shouldn't let him go because he loves me so much. But why do I feel smothered, and irritated with him? Is it because I dont know real love but J does? Why am I feeling this way? Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): J sounds like every girl's dream guy but you just aren't at the same 'place' he's at. You sound young, full of life and you want to experience so much with your life. Nothing wrong with that. Listen hun, if you are not clicking with J...end this relationship and allow him to move on. He will grieve and likely feel pain but he will eventually let go. I will caution you, a guy like him will be likely grabbed pretty darn quickly. Just be honest and get out there and be a 'single' girl for awhile. The trick for you is to accept that you can be be alone and happy, than with someone who you aren't feeling a connection to. Some people just aren't ready to accept this idea though. Some hate the thought of going it alone. Do some serious self-reflection and decide where you want to go. But sit him down and be honest with J about your feelings. Go easy on him hun...guys like that don't come along that often. Good Luck.
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