| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about three months. A week ago she wrote me a letter telling me that she wasn't ready for a relationship and that I should move on. She explained that this was her first relationship and that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants and thought that we were moving too fast and that I was maybe a bit too eager. She made sure to tell me, however, that she won't be dating anyone soon. I was distressed, of course, and tried to ply out of her the real reason she wanted to break up but she maintained that she really wasn't ready. She said she still loves me though. She said she needed a lot of time and if we talked again it would be just as good friends.Well, two days ago she sent me an email like nothing had happened; updating me on her life in the past week and mentioning her pet dog, what movies she watched, etc... She didn't say she loved me or that she misses me or even mention the break up at all. I was a bit angry and confused so I didn't reply. Today she sent me an email saying she was worried about me and thought maybe I didn't reply because I might have died or family emergency or maybe I hated her now. She wants me to reply. I guess my question is: what should I do? I'm not sure how she feels about me anymore; whether she still loves me in the slightest bit or not at all. If she does still have feelings for me I would want to reciprocate and try to make it work again. If she doesn't then I guess remaining friends is best.How should I approach this? I hate thinking of love and relationships as some sort of game with strategic maneuvers but I loved this girl. I might still be able to again. I need to know, maybe from a female perspective, if she loves me still or not and what is the best thing to do from here. Please, any advice would be helpful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Any girl who tells you that she's confused and that things are moving too fast are just trying to find an excuse to say "I want to be single". Period. It's not that she's "not ready for a relationship", it's that she doesn't want one with you. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but that's just how it is. I hope that things get better for you.
A
female
reader, arlamai  +, writes (20 May 2010):
From a female perspective there are two answers here, as I don't know this girl I will give you both as honestly as possible. I will tell you now though that either outcome means that she still cares for you, even if she doesn't want to be with you.
The first is that she has already answered your question. She likes you and wants to remain great friends, her email was to test the water if you like, see if you still wanted to remain friends even though she honestly doesn't want to be with anyone. When you didn't reply, her reaction suggests genuine concern, signalling that she cares a great deal.
The second perspective is that she broke up with you in the kindest way possible, attempting to ensure that your feelings weren't hurt and is checking that you are ok with a follow up email. I hope you don't think I am being harsh, remember, I have no idea what the right answer is, but that might be one way of looking at it.
It is clear however that she is not a mean spirited person and that she cares about you or she wouldn't be contacting you. The best thing for you to do is to look after yourself as she may end up hurting you more in the long run.
As someone who has been in your position, I would reply casually, letting her know that you are fine without her and that you hope she is fine too. Women are very odd creatures and if there is a chance of getting back together, it will be when you seem like you are fine without her (we can't handle the pressure of having someone else's emotions reliant on us, I know, women are stupid!!)
I really hope this works out however you want it to work out :)
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