A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymous94
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for almost four years. Ive always had this screaming thought that he was doing something wrong, hiding something from me. A couple years ago I found an open condom wrapper in his car (a condom he didnt use with me). When I confronted him about he started making a whole list of excuses as to why it was in there. I became so depressed about it all I had to let it go. I let that slide when I shouldn't have. I just recently moved in with him. And I found a lubricated hand print on the wall in the room. When I asked him about it, he said it had been there a while and it was probably from sex with a girl years prior to us dating. I honestly didnt know how long it had been there cause I just moved in. So I got a flash light and screached all the walls in the house from ceiling to floor so if anymore showed up I would know for a fact they are recent. I didnt see anymore hand prints. I had went to stay with my mom a few days and when I came back I found lubricated hand prints on the wall. I know those hand prints were NOT there. But he denies every bit of it saying they have been there for years. I just dont know what to do. I need advice. I need help. This is destroying my soul. I just want to know if hes cheating and idk how to find out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): Just save your sanity and leave him. You will drive yourself insane carrying on as you are and it's not fair. If you know there was nothing on that wall, but there is now then something has gone on for it to be there.
Just focus on yourself, it will be hard to leave but as someone has already said - it will be a hell of a lot harder if you marry and have children...escape now!!
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 November 2014):
 I don't see why you need to know if he's cheating. If you feel in your heart that he's been unfaithful and he lies about it and you can't talk about it, then just leave. Its that simple. You don't need proof for anything, you just walk away. Even if you have the proof in your hands dont you think he would lie about it and make it turned around as to where it was just your imagination? Why put up with this? Who wants to play mind games? That isnt what love is about. A relationship should always be based on trust.
I understand that you are hurt but if you continue in this relationship you are going to continue to be hurt. So stop the cycle and get out. Let yourself heal and get into a healthy loving relationship. I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 November 2014):
If being with him is turning you into the type of person that looks for lube on every square inch of the wall and is "destroying your soul", then maybe you shouldn't be with him...
You don't need to prove anything in court, you just need to know that you're better off without them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 November 2014):
 I agree with Janniepeg.
Either YOU are so distrustful that you see "conspiracies" everywhere OR he is doing these things on purpose to make you feel nuts. Or maybe a bit of both?
YOU do NOT need proof to leave a relationship. IF you feel this is destroying you, WALK away. YOU know full well that you could have photographic evidence and he would LIE it all away.
You obviously don't trust him so why stay? Trust is one of the cornerstones in the foundation of a relationship, if that is removed or not there... other things will lack too sooner or later. Like respect, love, honesty....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 There's a lot of spook factor in this post it's not funny at all. I don't know of anyone who smear body liquids on their hands then press it on the wall. You searched the ceiling too? Is there a bunk bed? If the handprints did not belong to him, a girl or a maintenance worker could he suggest why they were there? I don't think a hand print could last for years.
Either he's cheating or he's gaslighting you (look it up). Some psychological manipulation to make you think you fell crazy and always setting up scenarios where you would feel paranoid.
You don't need to find out if he cheated. If you feel your soul is destroyed then this relationship is not right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): I am very sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how painful it must be, having those bad feelings inside you and being faced with bunch of excuses. It sounds like he is lying. But hear me out.. I think what you should focus on, is yourself. You are so young. I remember being in your age, and going through similar situations. My ex boyfriend was on a meeting abroad and stayed at a hotel, I called him and a girl answered. She hung up and the phone was off until the next day. He called me and was so nervous. I knew he had cheated. He had cheated, but what got to me was his lies.. The action, the disgusting feeling and nausea I felt faded away eventually. It was not being able to trust him again that hurt me. And I am sure that is what hurts you too. You should never, ever be with someone who treats you this way. You have recently moved in with him you say.. So? It is not like you are married and have kids.. I know you don´t see it now, but imagine if you were married and you found out what you know today.. Even then I would advice you to take a break.. He needs to stop this, and he needs to know how badly he is treating you. But most importantly, he needs to know what an amazing girl he has, how beautiful you are and the fact that you can be with a real gentleman if only you realize your own self-worth. This shouldn´t destroy your caring soul sweetie, you deserve to confront him and you deserve to get answers. Truth. I am sure you tried to get into his phone, mail etc., but realize that you will only beat yourself up, and you won´t go far, until you realize that you have almost accepted his cheating. You feel he is cheating, then he is most likely cheating. I am very sorry. You deserve the absolute best. Don´t let him make you think elsewise. And if he beggs to have you back and says he will change, give him only a chance if you feel you can trust him again. He needs to earn your trust, and right now, he doesn´t.
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